How Not to Date an Alien by Stephanie Burke Page B

hell, indeed.”
    “So… when are you leaving?”
    “When you agree to come with me.”
    “Not going to happen,” she decided, calling herself all kinds of coward for pushing aside his offer.
    But this was a big thing. This was not sleeping with a stranger. This was not taking an unexpected vacation with said stranger. This was moving to another whole new flipping planet!
    That was some scary stuff!
    “Why not?”
    “I can’t leave all my stuff behind!”
    “Stuff?” he asked. “Stuff like this apartment you do not really like or the ex-husband who treated you with such disrespect? Or is it your friends who are moving on with their lives and cheerfully treating you like a past thought?”
    “That’s not fair!” she argued. “Se and Lena…”
    “Left you in an apartment with a strange male while you were immobilized and naked.”
    Well, when he said it like that…
    “That — that’s not how we usually behave…”
    “So it is usual behavior for them to take you to a drinking place and leave you in the company of strange men?”
    “They walked me home!”
    “And never noticed that I materialized and followed right after they laid you in your bed.”
    Now that she hadn’t known.
    “They never came to check up on you after leaving you with me. They never even used one of your communications devices to verify that you were still alive.”
    “They care.”
    “Then humans have an odd way of showing care.”
    There was nothing she could say about that, so she fell back on the old standby —
    pouting.
    “You know that I am correct in this, Kilana.”
    “And you are still not going to make me willing go to another planet with you.”
    “Then I will take you.”
    “What?”
    That said, Valan stood and let the water stream off of his body before he gave his head a shake and looked down at the woman at his feet. Then, with a smirk worthy of the most blatant Lothario, he bent down and hoisted her up, slamming her over his shoulder.
    “Valan!” she squealed, squiggling and kicking.
    She was making such a fuss that she never noticed the key turning in the lock nor Se and Lena making their way into the master bath.
    “Wow!” Se breathed. “Kinky.”
    Those breathed words caused Kilana to pause in her ineffective escape plans and turn her head to look at her friends.
    “Lena! Se! Help! I’m being abducted!”
    “Really?” Lena drawled, grinning as she took in all the wet, naked flesh in the room. “Like that?”
    “Like this.” Valan shook his head in agreement, then remembered the cultural difference. He switched to nodding instead.
    “Exhibitionism at its best,” Lena purred. “How lucky you are, you little minx.”
    “Lena,” Kilana struggled to say. Her breath was hampered by the over-the-shoulder position Valan was holding her in. “The alien is going to abduct me!”
    “Ohh!” Se clapped her hands while jumping happily. “European vacation! I always wanted to visit Germany. Germany is in Europe, right?”
    “Yes!” Kilana shouted, rolling her eyes and just slumping over Valan’s back.
    “So… take lots of pictures,” Se offered, a soft smile on her face.
    “Matches her soft brain,” Kilana muttered before turning to Lena. “Anything to add?”
    “Send postcards,” she chuckled, pulling out her camera and snapping photos again. “I mean, all of these years we’ve been friends and then I discover that you were having wilder sex than I ever imagined. And doing your part for cultural awareness around the world, too. I didn’t know you were such a patriot.”
    “The alien is abducting me!” she pointed out again, ignoring the smug low laughter that he was not even bothering to hide.
    Come on, ladies, Kilana thought. Just do something a normal person would do! Protest, just a little!
    “Send us back sausage,” Se added, turning as if to look around the place for luggage.
    “Two-legged kind preferred.” Lena winked before gripping Se by the arm. “If he had a