How Not to Shop by Carmen Reid Page A

The draped skirt quietened down the troublesome tum, bum and hams.
     
'What I want to do . . .' Annie began, coming up behind her so they could look in the mirror together, 'is put you in the hands of a very nice hairdresser I know who will straighten, lengthen and darken your hair.'
     
She pulled one of Cath's dull blonde-grey curls out, revealing several inches of length. 'Time to bring you bang up to date and bring out your inner artist,' Annie added with a smile. 'Darker hair with your pale skin . . . And you know, I don't like this bag, or the necklace,' Annie decided, taking both of them from Cath, who didn't protest.
     
'You know what I love with red? Violet . . . Stay right there, take a long look at your lovely, luscious self and I will be right back with violet.'
     
Clipping on vibrant violet beads, which made the blue in Cath's eyes sparkle, and pressing a sassy little violet bag into her hand, Annie couldn't help uttering a 'da-nah!' of triumph. 'What do you think?' she asked Cath, meeting her eyes eagerly.
     
'I think . . . I think the dress is really pretty,' Cath confided. There was a smile threatening to break across her face. 'But I don't feel at home in it.'
     
She wriggled her shoulders uncomfortably and smoothed the dress with her hands.
     
'At home? No!' Annie said with a hint of exasperation, 'you are not supposed to feel at home in it. Is this a sweatshirt and a pair of jogging trousers? No, it is not! I don't want you to feel at home. I don't want you to be at home! You are one hot, juicy mama and we are taking you out to shake your booty.'
     
'But I don't want to go out,' Cath whined.
     
'Oh dear, oh dear,' Annie began, 'you've lost a lot, babes. You've lost your man, your boy's growing up, your baby blonde hair's gone, and probably your old waistline too. If you sit around at home and wait, you'll probably lose lots more: your relatives, your friends and finally everything else. Depressed yet?' she winked: 'you should be! There's only one cure for this – you have to get out there and get some new things to replace the old. New friends, new lovers, new hobbies, new interests, new people and yes, for pete's sake, some new clothes!
     
'Now at least if you're invited to a party, you can say yes . . . because you've got something to wear,' Annie exclaimed.
     
The dress, the bag and the necklace were bought. Grand total: £102.97. Annie was now itching to take Cath off to buy a nice red jacket and maybe some lipgloss or red nail varnish with the remaining money. But it was time to meet up with the rest of the team in Starbucks. Cath still had a sit-down dating lesson with Svetlana ahead of her and a career advice session with Marlise. Annie had no idea how Cath was going to come through those ordeals.
     
But just as Starbucks came into view, with Bob ahead of them and his cameras most definitely off, Cath clung to Annie's arm and let out a wounded wail. 'I don't want to wear the dress, Annie! I don't want to go to a singles party! They can't make me. Not on television . What will people think?! I'm sorry, I can't go.'
     

Chapter Ten
Lana at home:
     
Baggy blue tunic (H&M)
Skinny jeans (Gap)
Silver ballet shoes (Topshop)
Lip salve (Nivea)
Silver nail polish (Rimmel)
Total est. cost: £75
     
'I'd love to go to a party in disguise.'
     
'Where is Lana, anyway?' Annie wondered out loud.
     
Her welcome back into the bosom of her family hadn't gone quite so smoothly today, as she'd committed the sin of arriving back with a little Dorothy Perkins treat she'd bought for herself in her hands.
     
Before she'd been able to stash it safely behind the rack of coats in the hallway, Owen had accosted her with the words, 'You've got a plastic bag! Muuuuuum!! How many times have I told you about this? You've got to carry a reusable shopping bag with you at all times.'
     
'Yes Owen, I know,' she'd soothed, managing only a glancing kiss on the top of his head, before he'd ducked away. 'I'm sorry. It