In an Instant by Adrienne Torrisi Page B

the corner of his eyes. “What?” Confusion washes over his face, but it doesn’t erase the sorrow.
    “He switched seats with me”—I close my eyes—“right before we left.” I can’t open my eyes and meet Cam’s again. “I always sit in front, and right before we left, I asked him to swap, and he did.” I squeeze my eyes shut more tightly, still unable to open them, especially knowing why I wanted to swap—because I wanted to be next to Jake.
    “Oh, Dani, this is not your fault. It was an accident, and if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.” Cam’s tears are sliding down his cheeks now. He’s not even trying to mask them anymore.
    “His parents aren’t ready to say good-bye yet, but the doctors say it’s over.” His voice cracks through his tears. He is practically sobbing.
    I have never seen Cam cry ever. And I hate that he is blaming himself. I understand, but there is nothing he could have done differently. There was nothing different from what we always do. There is never another car on that street.
    There is so much more I want to say, but I don’t know where to begin. I’m too consumed with guilt. I see why Cam feels this way, but I can’t begin to explain why he is wrong, why I will never be able to forgive myself. I feel the bile creeping up. I can’t hold it.
    My hands fly to my mouth, and Cam jumps into action, grabbing the small, plastic container next to my bed, placed there for just this reason. There isn’t much in my stomach to come up, but whatever was there does.
    Cam rubs my back in such a caring, paternal way. I never had a dad who cared, but I know Cam will make a good one someday.
    I wish I could take some of his pain and hurt away. His emotions are a mirror of mine. I hate that anyone else on this earth has to feel as badly as I do.
    “I need to see him,” I whisper more to the white knit blanket covering my legs.
    Cam tilts my chin up and guides my face so our eyes meet. “I know.” His chest rises with a deep sigh, his eyes moving toward the door. “If we ask, they’ll say no, so we need to be careful not to get caught.”
    I nod my head, and then he helps me out of bed. I ignore the pain that shoots through my body at the movement. I have only been in bed for two days; however, my legs already feel weak and wobbly.
    “Sorry, my legs forgot how to work,” I tell him as my knees buckle, and I almost crumble to the ground. But Cam is fast and strong, and he carries most of my weight the instant he feels me slip.
    “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” He gives me a small smile.
    I just give him a look that says to shut up.
    I feel as if every part of me is bruised. My chest hurts, and it’s hard to breath. I’m not sure if it’s my nerves or my injuries or a combination of both. Regardless, I know I need to push it all away. I don’t know how much longer I have with Marcus or Jake, and I need to see them with my own eyes, or none of it will be real.
    Cam makes sure the hallway is clear before we slip out of my room.
    “I feel like I’ve been hit by a Mack truck.”
    “Close. It was a pick-up.” He gives me a small, sad smile.
    “What happened to the other driver?”
    “He’s okay. He really just clipped us, but when I swerved, we flipped. We were in his lane, so I’d say we were at fault.” His small, thin-lipped smile is back.
    ***
    We finally make it to ICU. Physically, I feel weak and hurt everywhere. Emotionally, I am numb. My body seems to have shut down all ability to absorb any of this.
    Jake is alive, and Marcus is, too, but for how much longer?
    Cam is still bearing most of my body weight. Once we turn the corner, I see chairs lining the hallway outside of the sliding glass doors to each of the rooms in the ICU. Sitting there are all of our friends, the ones who are left, at least: Em, Dax, Nate, and Hanna. They don’t see us at first, which gives me a moment to take them in.
    Dax’s arm is draped around Em, and Nate is gently running his hand