Just a Fan by Leen Elle, Emily Austen Page B

tottered out of the bedroom in my duvet-cocoon that only left my face visible. Today I felt like being lazy...and since I no longer had anyone to look pretty for, I would let go and spend a whole day just lolling about my flat in my pyjamas, without getting washed, dressed, or brushing my hair. When I entered the main room, I collapsed onto the sofa. Yes...I would just lie here despondently all day...maybe have some ice-cream...watch TV...without having to care about what I looked like.
     
    I extricated one pale arm from the duvet cocoon and groped inelegantly for the remote. But when I finally grabbed hold of it, I just let it drop again. Did I really want to watch TV? Wouldn't it bring back...memories...?
     
    I decided to not bother with the TV after all. For a while I lay there feeling wretched, then decided I would very much like a drink of water.
     
    Keeping the covers wrapped around myself, I heaved myself upright, swaying slightly, then shuffled back around the sofa. As I passed the phone, I absently realised it had been at least two weeks since I had called my dear mother. She would probably be wondering what I was up to, the poor dear...no need to tell her about Connor, though. Well, not now, anyway. I still needed to get over it myself, first of -
     
    Suddenly, the phone started ringing while I was still idly looking at it, sending pain shooting to my head. I frowned at it suspiciously, still inebriated enough to consider the possibility of my mother having received some sort of telepathic message from me. I let it ring three times, then sighed and picked it up, really not in the mood to talk.
     
    'H'llo?' I grumbled.
     
    There was a brief pause at the other end of the line.
     
    ' Is this not the Grumpy Bachelorette Residence, then? ' a smooth, velvety voice said quietly.
     
    The sound of that distinct Scottish burr sobered me up as sharply and effectively as three cups of black coffee followed by a bucket of ice water in the face. I swallowed, wide-eyed, then stammered in a barely audible voice: 'Y-yes...?'
     
    Connor gave a soft sigh.
     
    ' Hi ,' he replied awkwardly. Why was he calling me? I abruptly remembered that had said he would keep in touch...oh, God...
     
    'How's...New York, then?' I asked him painfully, trying to stop the silence from taking us over.
     
    There was a long pause.
     
    ' Er...I'm...still here ,' Connor told me sheepishly.
     
    I froze in shock.
     
    'What?'
     
    ' Look, Lillian, I know it's stupid...my agent was calling me up to ask where the hell I was, and I told him I'd had to cancel at the last minute ,' Connor explained wretchedly. ' I chickened out, Lillian. '
     
    I frowned, letting the duvet fall from me without noticing.
     
    'But...why?' I asked. 'I thought you were excited about that movie...'
     
    Connor sighed again, slightly impatiently.
     
    ' Did you honestly think I could leave after making such a move? ' Connor said. ' I know I've done it before, but this time... ' He seemed to struggle to find words, then let out a breath. ' You know, I think we should be talking about this stuff in person rather than over the phone. I'll come by, shall I? '
     
    * * *
    And so he was back. Without even having actually left . I had hesitated over letting him come...I was so confused, and I could just imagine Kate shaking her head at me and saying: 'Don't believe those corny lines, Lil - he's trying to trap you!'. But somehow I couldn't say no...after all, what did Kate really know about this lovely man? She just saw him as millions of others saw him - handsome, talented, irresistibly charismatic, and quite mysterious due to his protectiveness of his private life. I had once saw him, like she probably still did, as a bit of a womanizer. But now...
     
    When I finally let Connor into my flat, I was no nearer working out what my attitude towards him should be than I was when he had called. He himself looked subdued and uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden. I let him take a seat