Just One Kiss by Amelia Whitmore Page B

road, I glance over at him.
    Deciding to be completely and totally honest, I just start
spewing out my feelings. “I want to be more than friends with you, but the
thought of that scares me. No, it terrifies me. I can’t imagine myself with you
because you’re seriously the greatest guy I’ve ever met. You make me forget
about everything and I can really be myself around you, but it seems too good
to be true. I feel like I don’t deserve that. But on the other hand, for the
same reasons, I can see myself with you. I mean, in a parallel universe where
I’m super lucky and happy and stuff.”
    A small smile appears on my lips as I think of all the other
reasons I want to be with him. I continue, “I can see us really sending out
that Christmas card together, and hearing my entire family make a huge deal out
of why we sent such a ridiculous picture of ourselves. I see myself dancing
with you, like actually going somewhere with the intention of dancing. I’ve
never really imagined myself with anyone like that. And I feel like a total
stalker freak since we only just met a few weeks ago.
    “Which leads me back to why we shouldn’t be together. I’m
annoyingly insecure, just ask Ro. It’s obnoxious how doubtful I am of everybody
around me. Total paranoia. Did you know that when Ro gave you my number that
day at the Fall Fest, I yelled at her and suggested that she was trying to hurt
me by doing it? I seriously thought that the best friend I’ve ever had was out
to get me. Just trying to have a laugh at my expense by teasing me with someone
as beautiful as you. So I’m not just insecure about a person I might be dating,
but about everything in general.
    “And you don’t deserve that. You deserve someone who can be
comfortable with you, who can do things like kiss you in the snow without
freaking out. I want you to be happy and I think that eventually, after enough
babying me, you’ll get tired of it and walk away. Or I’ll just hurt you
somehow, like by being dramatically insecure and breaking up with you at the
drop of a hat. ’Cause I’d probably do that, just to make sure you didn’t break
up with me first.” I’m nearly crying by the end of my rant.
    When I turn to look at Brayden, he’s staring silently and
thoughtfully down the road. I bite my lip to keep from talking, knowing that if
I say one more thing, I’ll probably never stop. Eventually, we pull up my
driveway and he puts the truck in park before turning to me.
    “What if we just stay exactly how we are right now?” I’m
confused but he elaborates. “I mean, not quite friends with benefits, but more
like friends with feelings? That way, we can both still do what makes us happy
with each other. We can continue having feelings for each other but there’s
technically no relationship—nothing intimidating. I mean, we’d basically be in
a relationship, like in terms of monogamy, but it’s like warming up before you
work out. Just something gentle but fun to get you ready for the actual thing.”
    I give it a few seconds. “Friends with feelings? Like dating
without being boyfriend and girlfriend?”
    “Yep. And if one of us, mainly me, crosses a line that the
other person’s not ready for, we can just be honest,” he assures me.
    “Do you actually think that’s going to work? Because I’m not
sure that I’m ready for kisses like the one we just had.” I say doubtfully.
    He shrugs. “It’s worth a try. Plus, look at it this way, we
could still send out Christmas cards as BFFs, and I won’t be the biggest
asshole in the world every time I think about kissing you. Which is a lot. But
you can be in control of what we do. If all I’m allowed to do is kiss your
cheek, I’ll only kiss your cheek,” he promises earnestly.
    “Okay, but the second either of us feels like it’s more of a
relationship than just friends, or just dating, we have to tell the other. It’s
not fair to either of us if one of us is feeling more or less.