food, no ride.
I didnât run off. I shivered in the backyard, waitinâ for the sun.
SOME LITTLE THINGÂ Â Â Â Â CARMEN
Iâll be sixteen in seven months,
and I know how to drive.
When Dontay had to find his own ride home,
Grandmama was asleep. I know where she keeps
her keys. I borrowed them and drove as careful as I could
out to that house heâs stayinâ at. By the time I left
him off, it was after curfew. I turned left
on Main Street, thinkinâ âbout the time we all got stopped last month
in that same place, thinkinâ I could
go a different way. Shoulda done that, but I thought Iâd drive
that short way, take my chances. Tried to keep
an eye out, but I got stopped before I made it home.
That is, to Grandmamaâs houseâwhat I call home
since Mama and her boyfriend left
for Cincinnati. I keep
thinkinâ sheâll be back, but itâs five months
now, and Iâve about stopped hopinâ sheâll drive
up any minute. I guess it could
happenâprobâly wonât, but could.
Anyhow, for now, Grandmamaâs house is home.
Or was until she woke up to flashinâ lights and saw the cops drive
up. They gave her back her keys, told her I was DUI. Left
me handcuffed in their car tryinâ not to cry. Iâll probâly get two months
this time. Donât know why I keep
on gettinâ in this kind of trouble. I keep
tryinâ to do rightâthought I could
help out with this monthâs
rent. Now it looks like I wonât be home
or makinâ any kind of money for a while. Iâll miss whatâs left
of school, or at least too much to make up. This could drive
you crazy: Just try to do some little thing like drive
a friend that needs a ride, and you keep
findinâ yourself locked up, nothinâ left
to do but sit around thinkinâ how you could
be out with friendsâor home.
You think about that stuff for months,
and when those months are finally over, everything you left
behind is different. You feel like jumpinâ in the nearest car and drivinâ
outta town, keepinâ goinâ till you find someplace that feels like home.
THAT ONE WORDÂ Â Â Â Â HARRIS
I got invited to the winter dance.
Think how thatâs supposed to be: Mom, Dad,
thereâs someone Iâd like you to meet,
someone special in my life, someone
who loves me as much as I love him.
Freeze frame on that one word: Did you say
him ? I used to try to think of how Iâd say
it, how Iâd let them know thereâd be no dancing
at my wedding, no grandkids. Finally I just told them about him
and watched my world explode. What it meant to Dad
was that he didnât know me. I turned into someone
heâs hated all his life. He wouldnât meet
my friend. Why would I want to meet
the person who ruined your life? I couldnât say,
No, Dad, I ruined his. They couldnât imagine just someone
I loved who loved me. Now Mom and Dad and I canât dance
around the subject like we used to. Dad
said if I didnât have enough respect for him
to act normal , how could I expect him
to keep supporting me? I couldnât meet
his eyes when he said that. I was ashamed of Dad
and myself at the same time. I didnât say
much, but after that, the winter dance
seemed like a childish game. Overnight, I became someone
differentâolder, tougher, on my own. Someoneâ
meâwith no parents to support him.
I was scared enough to ask a girl to the dance,
thinking I could bring her home to meet
my parents. Maybe theyâd let me come back. Iâd say,
It was just something I went throughâreally, Dad,
it isnât true. But she said no. Anyway, Dad
would never have believed me. I canât pretend to be someone
Iâm not. No matter what Mom might say
(and sheâs not saying much), to him
I might as well be dead. Thereâs just no way to
Nikita Storm, Bessie Hucow, Mystique Vixen