Kelley Eskridge by Solitaire Page A

review of comparative
religions to your learning plan. What's important is that, like
Matthew, Ko believes that service is best rendered unobtrusively.
You'll have a less public life than many of the other Hopes. Maybe
you'd better sit down for a minute,” she said offhandedly, as if she
didn't see Jackal's sudden attention. She waved Jackal toward the empty
pillow on the other side of the lacquered table, and pulled her phone
out of her jacket pocket to punch the intercom button. “Sam, please
show Ms. Bey into the conference room when she arrives and let her know
I'll be delayed a few minutes.” While Chao spoke, Jackal settled
slowly, dreamily, feeling the embroidered pillow through the thin
cotton of her pants like braille against her thighs. Was someone
finally going to tell her what to expect in the new life that she was
about to crest into like a wave? She wondered how much this had to do
with yesterday's conversation with Neill. She had consented and now
they would give her what she needed to know. She clenched her hands
together in her lap, below the edge of the table, so that Chao would
not see them tremble.
    “Of course, there's really no point in
getting into this if you'd rather pursue your complaint about the
change in advisors.”
    Jackal bit down on the inside of her
mouth. She should say that she was loyal to Khofi and that she'd settle
for ten percent of the information if it came from someone she trusted.
But she so badly wanted to know.
    Chao said placidly, “You should also
consider Dr. Andabe's long-term interests. It's a time in his career
when he should be moving on to new accomplishments. It's such a
competitive environment these days.”
    Jackal wondered when it had started being
‘these days’ that were so relentlessly hard. And so lonely: she hadn't
been able to reach Snow and they had exchanged voice messages, Jackal's
terse and stressy, Snow's concerned and then increasingly irritated at
the lack of contact. I hate it when you don't
talk to me had been the last one. Jackal hated it too, hated
the feeling that what she was really hiding from Snow was not Ko's
deception, but her own participation in it. And here was one more piece
of it that she wouldn't know how to explain.
    “All right, I won't argue about the
change,” she said quietly. “But I want Khofi well taken care of; he's
been really good to me.”
    “Of course,” Chao answered, as if she were
surprised that Jackal had thought it necessary to mention. She pushed a
teacup across the table. “Let me know if it needs warming up.”
    The tea was cold and bitter. Jackal drank
it down.
    “Now, then,” Chao began.
    “Why do people say that?” Jackal
interrupted. What am I doing? she wondered, but went on speaking. “Now,
then,” she repeated. “English is such an awkward language. So many
phrases that are empty of meaning. Oh boy. What does that mean? Let's
see. Why not let's smell? Or let's hear? That would make more sense, at
least. And so many metaphors of control and violence disguised as
sports. As if it were a game. I've been thinking a lot about it.” She
nodded at the sea in the window as if she were talking to it rather
than Chao. “I can describe my whole life in metaphors. Stay on target.
We're all on the same team. Keep your head above water.” Her teacup
rattled against the table when she set it down.
    “What are you thinking about?” Chao asked
carefully.
    “Drowning,” Jackal answered without a
pause, without a breath, not even minding that it was the truth and
that she'd already decided never to tell Chao anything that was both
important and true. The fog was now firmly banked across the northern
headland. She should stop now, but she couldn't: it all rolled out of
her like a wave.
    “My grandfather was a fisherman out of
Torre la Miguera in Spain. He used to tell me stories about the sea
until my mother made him stop because they gave me nightmares.”
    Chao nodded, but otherwise kept still.
Good,