Lacrimosa by Christine Fonseca

couldn’t have meant her. This apparition.
    This angel.
    “Hello,” I say as I approach.
    She looks down, shy.
    And even more irresistible.
    “I’m new here,” I say, tripping over my words. “I work on the Stubbe farm, keeping things in order when Mr. Stubbe is away.”
    She stays silent.
    “My name is Adam.”
    Her face flushes as she steals a glance.
    “What is your name?”
    “Elle,” she says, her voice barely audible.
    “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that.” I have to hear her voice again.
    “Oh,” she whispers. She lifts her head and looks at me. “My name is Elle.” Our gaze meets and I’m locked in a sacred moment, just the two of us. Her eyes search mine and I wonder if she knows what I am. But it isn’t my wings or my glowing skin she seems to see. It’s my soul—the part of me I show no one.
    In that second I know. . .
    I will never forget her.
     
    I scroll through the times Elle and I shared, still unsure if Nesy could really be her. But even as I try to find a way to convince myself it isn’t true, I know the truth.
    Nesy and Elle are the same person.
    And things just got complicated.
    Too complicated.

 
    Chapter 15 – Moral Obligation
     
    Nesy
     
    My life as a Watcher was nothing like it should have been. Taking human form was so different from what I’d expected, what I was prepared for. To begin with, I’d never imagined I could forget being an angel. I never thought I’d fall in love. And I certainly never expected to be murdered.
    Mikayel saved me from that life. Just as he’d saved me during my training as a Sentinal. He seemed to understand the permanent stain the human emotions had left on my soul. Understood the nightmares that plagued me during those first centuries—the time before I learned to master my weaknesses. Before I learned control.
    His teachings had helped me in ways I could never quite express. Ways that forever defined…
    Me.
    And now, as my weaknesses, my flaws, resurface and my emotions unravel, I realize the truth.
    I never mastered anything. I am damaged. Broken.
    And I always will be.
    I shake my head and shove aside my self-pity. This is not the time to wallow. Broken or not, I’m still a warrior.
    I just need to remember everything that means.
    I abandon my shame and push through the vortex into Celestium. The entire landscape glows like a prism in the sun. Streaks of emerald, indigo, ruby and gold dance around the sky. Inhaling deeply, I reach for the calm that always flows into me at home.
    But I find no solace this time. Neither the love of my realm, nor the peace that surrounds me can dislodge the rock of fear growing in my stomach.
    “Come on,” Zane urges. “They’ll be waiting for us.”
    “You mean me,” I correct, my voice as shaky as I feel.
    “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Just answer their questions and keep the whole ‘I can’t control my emotions’ thing to yourself,” Zane says.
    If only it were that easy.
    I walk into the massive Council chamber with my friends. Large bronze doors carved with intricate reliefs of angels and demons greet us. The doors open and we pause.
    Cass squeezes my hand, Zane nods, and we begin to walk into the enormous room.
    “Just Nesayiel.” Mikayel says, his voice echoing off the gilded walls. “We will speak with you two in a minute.”
    I inhale my fear and step forward. I have no answers to the questions they’ll no doubt ask. No way of explaining my mistakes, my feelings for the UnHoly.
    I tuck my concern behind my warrior’s façade and hide every emotion.
    Time to face my fate.
    The chamber itself is large, adorned with pictures of angels—Mediators, Anointed, Guardians, Sentinals. Every painting is depicted in amazing detail. They shimmer, giving the illusion of movement.
    A lone golden chair sits in the center of the room. It faces a large alter with four majestic thrones. And in the thrones, the four I am most terrified to see. Gabriel, Raphael, Sariel, and Mikayel. The