Learning to Cry by Christopher C. Payne Page B

of the casualties of divorce is the new rules associated in interacting with past acquaintances. Still, they were cordial, and everyone made it through the event with no harm done. It was a moment to celebrate Amelia, not dredge up animosity toward each other.
    Melissa wore a new dress to her graduation. Her mother must have taken her shopping in preparation. Melissa’s graduation present was a new iPod mini. It was fitting because I broke her video iPod in a heated confrontation just a few months prior. I still can’t figure out how Melissa and I reached that level. We were so close and yet so heated when things got nasty. I couldn’t help but feel she was isolating herself. Keeping herself at a distance. The few chances when she did open up were amazing. Sadly, those times were becoming infrequent.
     
     
    Melissa
     
    Melissa couldn’t help feeling alone in her own house even on this monumental day. She felt only a frail connection to her family, and it was becoming difficult for her to maintain any close friends. She had acquaintances, but lacked that bond of one or two girls who were always by her side. The girls who she could count on no matter what. Melissa jumped around to different groups keeping several frail connections, but her social calendar was never fully booked. She spent a lot of energy watching TV or listening to music. She loved music, and her biggest fantasy was to one day end up on American Idol. The very idea of hearing Ryan Seacrest announce she’d made the finals and, then, ending up winning was like a dream.
    At times she thought she might be good enough and, then, at times felt there was no way that she could ever sing so well as to be included in the chosen few. She didn’t have the confidence that some of the kids her age had, but she didn’t lack abilities either. Being just an average girl, living an average life, with an average family that was going through an average divorce is typical, right? It was almost too much to think about, so she spent as little energy on it as possible.
    Concealing emotions was something at which she excelled. She often found herself in situations where she would lie to her parents about the silliest things, even found herself lying to her friends. She kept most of her feelings hidden. She was unsure how this affected her, but she spent a lot of effort keeping her innermost emotions concealed. The less people knew about who she was, including her family, the safer she felt. How can anyone hurt her if they didn’t even know her? The byproduct of this was the loneliness that crept upon her and the sadness that often accompanied that isolation.
    As she stood there going through her 8th grade graduation ceremony she felt alone, sitting with a few hundred other kids in the Half Moon Bay High School football field. Her thoughts wandered over the past few months and all the changes that had occurred. She began fantasizing what the summer might hold. Summer was always a time of new beginnings and the exploration of new things. It was a transition time as she would be moving to high school. She was curious about what that would be like and how her life would be different going forward. She felt she was growing up, yet she was still so young and wasn’t sure that she was ready to let go of the little girl that she was quickly leaving behind.
    The swirling, confusing thoughts filled her head and left her dizzy. It was now her row’s turn, standing for the walk to the podium to collect their diplomas. Whether she was ready, she was leaving Cunha Middle School behind. She would move on and grow up, as time didn’t stand still for anyone. It constantly moved forward in perpetual motion, even if you were unsure of the next step or of how to navigate through the unknown waters ahead.
    After everyone had their turn and the ceremonial speakers finished, she made her way through the exit and started celebrating with everyone else in her class. Her mother and father were