Life Before Damaged Vol. 10 (The Ferro Family) by H. M. Ward Page B

remove its elastic band. It contains various papers such as course registrations and schedules, school transcripts, class notes, Gina's engagement contract with Peter. That’s when I see it—the file she stole from Mrs. Ferro and Peter's police record. With trembling fingers, I flip through the pages, reading as I go. My fingers trail down each page, scanning line after line of misdemeanors and minor assault charges until I finally come across the report for the rave. My eyes widen, and I quickly roll up the file. Oh, my God! Gina was right. Peter needs to see this and, based on his earlier reaction, I'm certain she never got the chance to show him. My stomach twists. Sharing this is going to suck. It’s going to be like stabbing an open wound with a hot poker.
    I look out the window to the backyard. While I've been up here reading, Peter's been rocking on our swing under the gazebo, his head in his hands. I can’t wait anymore. He thinks I won’t forgive him for this.
    I rise, dust my jeans off, pad downstairs, and head outside.
    Peter doesn't hear me coming and jumps as I sit next to him. He looks up at me, his face weary with worry. "Hey.”
    “Hey.” I inhale deeply, squeezing the rolled up papers in my hands. My stomach is in my throat, and fear strangles me. I can’t do this to him, but I have to—he has to know. I press my lips together looking for the right words.
    Peter lets out a shaky rush of air and pushes himself off of the swing. "I'll pack my things then."
    "That’s not it." Peter hesitates. “Please, sit.” I pat the spot next to me and meet his gaze.
    He looks like he’s going to be sick. The curve of those broad shoulders and the way his brows pinch together makes him look utterly defeated. He does what I ask, and we slowly swing back and forth while I gather my thoughts.
    "You asked me to read Gina’s diaries to show me the truth about who I am marrying. I've read them and made my choice, but before I tell you, I have some questions." I look back down at the papers in my hands.
    Peter's voice sounds just as exhausted as his face appears. "You just read about every horrible thing I ever did to her. Is that really who you want to spend the rest of your life with?"
    I try to be gentle with him because he’s been through so much already. I feel like I'm dousing him with lighter fluid and shoving him back into the fire. It’s cruel, but I have to do it. He has to know. I touch the top of his hand softly and rest my palm there. "Did you read them cover to cover?"
    He won’t look at me. His voice is tight and growing more faint by the minute. "Only the first couple of pages. I didn't have to read more after that. I was there. I know what I did, who I was, and who I still am. That’s me, that’s the guy I’ve tried to leave behind so many times, but he’s still there Sidney. You deserve to know."
    I nod slowly, before leaning forward trying to catch his eye. "Maybe, but pieces are missing. In her last journal entry, she mentioned an orphanage fundraiser then there are no more entries. What happened between that entry and the night she died? I know this is difficult, but it's important, Peter. I need to know."
    I watch Peter’s skin turn green, as if he were about to hurl, then he clenches his hands together and turns away from me, considering. I know what I’m asking is painful. I know thinking of that time, of the night she died—it must be the last memory he wants to relive.
    But, to my surprise, he turns back to face me, the story spilling from his lips like water, a slow trickle at first, but quickly turning into a torrent. His eyes are distant, unseeing. Peter’s body is still with me, but his mind is no longer in the present.

RELIVING THE PAST
Peter, December 21st, 4:31pm
    I ’m leaning against the doorframe to her room, watching Gina silently while she sits on her bed, her back to me. She’s so engrossed in what she’s doing she doesn’t notice me standing there, observing