Lifespan of Starlight by Thalia Kalkipsakis Page A

two or three times. ‘I guess so.’ She seems dazed.
    ‘I’ll catch the train home before it gets late.’
    ‘Yes.’ Only now does she lift out of her thoughts, placing a hand on my shoulder.
‘Watch the weather, okay? Call a taxi if the storm picks up.’
    ‘Yeah.’
    Her eyes begin to soften and I spin the other way, her sadness even worse than silence.
Numbly, I make my way over to the next platform. School wouldn’t have finished yet
but I send a message anyway. Can I come over?
    The reply comes back two minutes after finish time: Sure .
----
    Mason’s still in uniform when he opens the side door, navy tie tucked into a thick
blazer. For a moment I’m unable to speak. I’m not even sure why I’m here. I can’t
tell him what just happened, not the whole story. I can’t say how I really feel.
    ‘Hey.’ He steps back to let me in.
    A gust of wind bursts up, bringing dust and leaves inside with me. Mason swipes the
door shut. ‘Crazy day.’
    ‘You can say that again.’ I let myself sink to the edge of the couch, my body suddenly
heavy.
    ‘How’d it go?’
    I manage a shrug. ‘Not great. They didn’t like my plans to work in food technology.’
    ‘You should take the computing stream. You can pretty much work in any industry from
there.’
    ‘Yeah.’ A sigh. ‘If I get in.’
    ‘Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.’
    He seems so sure. And it’s only now that I realise how close to the fire I’ve been
playing. Until the interview I didn’t recognise how much being illegal is part of
who I am. The way I think, the words I say. I’ve been living this life for so long
that I don’t know how to think like a citizen. I thought I could fool everyone, but
maybe I’ve been fooling myself.
    ‘Listen, I’ve been thinking –’
    Mason sits on the armrest across from me, hand resting on one knee.
    ‘– maybe I should stop coming round.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘I’m sorry. It’s just … I really have no idea how it works.
    I wish I could help you, but I don’t think I –’
    ‘No.’
    ‘But maybe I’m making it worse.’
    ‘No,’ he says again, a shake of his head. ‘Hang on.’ Mason slips off the armrest
to kneel beside the couch, one elbow on the seat and the other on the coffee table.
‘Look, stop coming if you want, but don’t do it because I can’t time jump.’
    My head shakes, a sad smile. The fact is that the longer I hang out with Mason, the
closer I come to letting the truth slip out.
    ‘I know why I can’t do it, and it’s nothing to do with you.’ He inhales and turns
to tap one finger on the coffee table. ‘I’m scared. That’s the reason. Not you.’
    I know. I knew that already. But still I don’t know how I can help.
    ‘Maybe it’s just one of those things,’ I say after a while. ‘Until you do it for
the first time, it’s always beyond your safety zone. Always the unknown.’
    ‘I’ve come close,’ Mason says. ‘But each time I feel it pulling me in, I panic …’
    ‘It’s okay. Maybe one day, when you’re ready, it’ll just … happen.’
    He shrugs, and moves around to sit on the floor, resting a shoulder against the couch.
I flop backwards on the doona and sigh, but with relief this time.
    ‘What if you could do it?’ I ask. ‘Like, imagine you already knew how. How far would
you go?’
    He thinks for a bit. ‘Only a few seconds at first.’ I’m watching him side-on so I
only see one cheek lift as he smiles. ‘But once I managed that, then it would mean
…’ He raises an arm and sweeps the room with it, as if to say everything .
    I smile back.
    ‘Will you stay with me, just one last time?’
    ‘Sure.’
    We settle into our usual places. A gust of wind makes a branch scrape against the
outside wall, but it can’t touch us in here. The weather outside might be going crazy,
but in here we’re safe.
    I breathe out and close my eyes first, maybe as a way to reassure him that I won’t
sit here and watch. A slow exhale like a tyre losing air. I