Lizard World by Terry Richard Bazes Page A

whilst my nose did regale itself in the ambrosia of silken drawers, did the voice of my erstwhile tutor crow like a barnyard cock. This excellent tutor, this pedant Thorogood, this bag of farts and dusty bones whom the Duke my father had retained to overwatch my haviours in his stead, did full oft thus interrrupt my leisure with his prattle. Therefore, I was not like to have paid him mind -- had my ears not moreover been assaulted by a great hubbub of barbarous gibberish.
           “The salvages, milord! To arms, milord, to arms!”
           Parting the curtains of my sedan and observing a great press of salvages who did seem full wroth and brandished clubs and knives which they did strike their foes withal, I did now charge the very pistol with which, not seven months since, I had wounded my cousin Fawncey, Belinda’s brother, in a duel. Strange it is, but even in this present extremity, whilst these salvages did roil and spew their gibberish roundabout, I could not chuse but bethink me of that confounded ass stammering about his precious sister’s honour. And now, whilst I did soundly ram and cock my engine, I did seem to see again his poetick milksop eyes a moment ere I blinded them.
           “Milord! Milord!”
           Thereupon I descended, and remarking that my charmer’s father, the salvage prince, was like to have his gorge hacked by a bepainted brute of the most fearsome proportions, I discharged my piece forthwith and -- as I had done with my cousin Fawncey -- surprised this painted heathen in the eye. Whereupon he fell to ground with plenteous blood and strenuous writhing most piteous to behold.
           No sooner had I thus discharged my engine, than these salvages were sore afraid and those that did not leap like deer into the shelter of the wood did prostrate themselves and lowly whimper. My charmer’s father by degrees did raise himself, and now perceiving that his enemy -- whom I surmized had lain in ambuscado -- had either surrender’d or fled, he vented a most barbarous howl and on a sudden clipped me to his breast with sweated limbs and nauseous breath. Relinquishing my person, he did commence to kick and club and spit upon the blinded wretch who yet did writhe aground before him, from which sport he betimes desisted, like one who eats a sufficiency but ceases ere he surfeits.
           Now did this heathen prince look upon me with most magnanimous mien, and thereupon stretch his hand above the heads of five or six of these salvages who yet did tremble prostrate. At first, I do confess, I did not apprehend this prince’s purpose. But when I did understand this heathen soveraign did mean to bestow these wretches as a boon, as if they were sheep or kine, I did refuse and was most grievously offended.
           For ’tis known these brutes are strangers to the rheume and other such maladies to which civiliz’d folk are long inured and so they oft do not requite the trouble of their transport and either do expire at sea or languish upon landing, wherefore full soon they must be thrown out like spoiled milk. Natheless, when I did see that this salvage prince did mean to evidence his heathenish goodwill, much as a Christian prince might grant a guerdon, methought it impolitic to refuse his hospitality, altho’ it were otherwise nothing to my purpose.
           Amongst these wretches whom now I needs must take in charge, I did erelong remark a most mountainous but elsewise not displeasing female whom anon I did grant leave to lift my litter. For the odour of this same salvagess, though somewhat strong, was greatly to my liking. This salvagess, whom I did learn hereafter was named Satchunk, did moreover bear my dressing-box and my claret: for tho’ she oft did thirst, she was full wondrous at lifting.

    III.
 
           Thus ’twas that with this Satchunk and Simkyn Potter shouldering my chair we did journey onward -- until of a ruddy evening, whilst we did