Mahashweta by Sudha Murty Page B

the top of the hill. The entire village spread out below her. Near the temple was a ledge that overlooked a deep valley. If anyone jumped from there, they would definitely die. The temple authorities had hung a board warning people not to go there.
    Anupama sat down on a stone outside the temple. What did she have to look forward to? Nothing! As long as she lived, she would have to face hundreds of problems; and she would be a burden on her father, and a bane for her sisters. Sabakka’s taunts would only add to her misery. Anupama could see only one way to solve all her problems. She gazed at the ledge—it was only a few steps away, and death was waiting. What it required now was a little courage—after all, what did she have to live for? The more she thought about it, the more appealing it seemed. She could imagine what people would say. ‘Oh, poor Anupama, she had a white patch, so she killed herself.’ Or, ‘The unfortunate girl slipped from the hill.’ Or, ‘Poor girl, her husband rejected her, what else could she do?’ Or, ‘Her husband left her. She must have had an affair and got into trouble. So she committed suicide. How shameful!’
    But how would it matter once she was dead? Nothing would hurt her. Would anybody feel sorry for her? Miss her? Her father would probably shed a few tears and then forget about her. That was only natural. Sumi would definitely feel sad and weep for a while. But she had her own family, and Anupama would soon become just a memory. Anand? He would feel relieved once she was gone.
    Her mind was made up now. But still she couldn’t bring herself to move. Some unseen power was holding her back. Anupama thought of Girija and her loose morals. With money and her mother’s support, she had married into a rich family and was a respected member of society. In conduct, looks and disposition, Anupama was better than Girija, but a small white patch was pushing her to her death. Was this fair? It was not her fault that she had white patches. Then why did she have to die? Even if she died, no one would care. Society at large would take Anand’s side and sympathize with him.
    She had finally discovered the real Anand. He had loved her beauty and married her for it. He was not ready to accept her if her beauty was in any way marred. People would pity him and that would be unbearable for him.
    Why should she die for a husband who didn’t even care about her? Though he had talked about a union that only death could sunder, it was a small white patch that had parted them!
    He had taken his marriage vows in front of hundreds of people, in the presence of Agni. Yet, he had betrayed her and the commitment he had made to her.
    She recalled a line from one of her plays, ‘Why did God give strong arms and the courage of a lion to man?’ ‘So that he can rescue helpless women, the distressed, and the forsaken,’ was the reply. But Anand had failed to rise to the occasion and come to her aid.
    Naturally, one should respect one’s mother. But when she was wrong, was it not the duty of the son to stand up to her and tell her that she had made a mistake? Anupama realised, for the first time, that Radhakka and Anand were very similar. The only difference was their gender and age. Anand was obedient because he did not have the courage to stand up to his mother. Also, because he himself was just like her!
    Anupama’s thoughts were racing. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the decision she had made. She was practical enough to realize that what she was contemplating was not the correct solution. What would happen if she jumped but did not die? She could be crippled for life, and would be worse off than she was now. Her decision would not make it any easier for her sisters to get married or reduce her father’s burdens. Anupama calmed herself and decided to return home.
    She looked down at the valley again, and saw it in a different light. The sun had risen higher; there were numerous wild