Maude by Donna Mabry

of his day, never going to play with Lulu like
he always did, never going to---,” my voice failed me
and I had to struggle to catch my breath, then I gasped
so deep my whole body shook. “I’m never going to see
him again. You don’t know what he was to me.
Nobody knows.”
“I got an idea, Maude. I know how he loved
you.”
“I don’t know why he did. I’m not pretty, no
matter what he said about it. He could have had any
girl in town. Why did he pick me?”
“He saw into your heart, Maude. He knew what
was real when he saw it.”
I stopped rocking and sat up. “Where is he?”
“He’s at the undertaker’s in Union city. They’ll
bring him to the house when he’s ready. It ought to be
a few hours.”
Sister Clark patted my hand. “I’m going back up
to the house to sit with his mother. I’ll send someone
down for you when it’s time.”
I nodded a little. “Thank you,” then I put my
arms around Sister Clark and hugged her before I went
in the cabin.
Helen, Tommy, and Faith came and walked back
to the house with me. I was calm.
In the parlor, James was lying in a plain pine box
with a satin lining, looking for all the world like he’d
just fallen asleep. I looked down at him for a while, but
it was still like it wasn’t real, and I’d wake up any
minute, and he’d be lying next to me and tell me it was
only a bad dream.
Looking at my young husband in his coffin, I
began to feel like I was going to pass out. When I sat
next to Dad Connor, he looked at me with relief on his
face. I think he was already depending on me to hold
them all together. I gave him a small smile, linked my
arm through his, and made a nod that told him his
confidence was in the right person. In a minute or two,
my head stopped spinning, and I went to the bedroom
to wake James’s mother.
Mom Connor was sleeping with Lulu nestled in
the crook of her arm, her curls on her grandmother’s
shoulder. I watched them for a while before I reached
out and touched Mom Connor’s hand. “He’s ready,
Mom, it’s time to get up.”
Mom Connor opened her eyes, but didn’t move.
She stared hard into my face. “All right,” she said at
last.
“Do you need any help getting dressed?”
“No, I can do it.”
I picked up Lulu and left. When I got back to the
parlor, the chairs from the dining room and the kitchen
had been set up in rows. Helen and Tommy sat in the
second row. Holding Lulu in my arms, I sat in front of
them. Lulu stirred and woke. She started crying. Helen
handed Faith to Tommy and took Lulu out of my lap.
“I’ll take her to the cabin and feed her something and
change her.”
Mom and Dad Connor sat next to me. The inside
door was open, and no one had to knock. The friends
and neighbors opened the screen door and came on in.
For the next few hours, just about everyone in town
came and went. Some paid their respects in only a
minute or two, and some sat and talked for a while.
The boys from James’s team all came by, and every
one of them cried like the world was coming to an end.
For me, the world had already ended. Helen came back
with Lulu, and I held her for a while, but finally Helen
and Tommy took the two girls home with them.
We sat up for the watch as long as we could, but
finally, we went to bed.
In the morning, the body was moved to the
church, and the preacher held the same service for
James that he’d held for my mom and dad and Helen’s
little Henry eight years earlier. It was the same one he
preached for every funeral. I recited it in my mind as
he spoke it, and I took comfort in knowing what he
was going to say and the promises from God. James
had accepted the gift of God’s salvation several years
before, and I knew I’d see him again. It made the
whole thing tolerable, to know that.
After the preaching, singing, and prayers, we
walked behind the undertaker’s wagon to the
graveyard. Mom Connor was calm, and her face
showed enough steel to get her through the day. I’d
been back to the