Miles From Kara by Melissa West Page B

time, before leaning back in her chair and staring at the wall across from us. I did the same, waiting to see what she would do next, when she said, “Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I could love this baby already. She’s not even here, ya know? How can I love her? But every time I feel her kick or listen to her heartbeat, my own heart goes crazy. I am so in love with her. How can I just give her up? How will I ever survive that?”
    She started to lose it again, so I reached out and placed my arm around her, pulling her close. “What would you do if you didn’t have her? What are you like when you’re alone? Tell me about you, Maggie. Just you.”
    Maggie swallowed hard. “I was on the debate team and beta club. I was never, ya know, popular, but I had my place at my school. I knew who I was. And then my mom died and I just . . . lost it. I didn’t know who I was anymore without her there, stroking my hair, telling me that I was wonderful. Then my dad fell apart. He just didn’t know how to be a dad anymore. Like all he could handle was his own grief. I still can’t believe I’ve only had sex one time. One single mistake. And this happened.”
    I squeezed her hand. “So, what about college then? Would you ever want to go?”
    She nodded. “Definitely. I wanted to study law. Can you believe that? A future lawyer knocked up.”
    â€œYou could still do that.”
    â€œNot if I have her. Every moment I have will be spent working some dead-end job just to cover diapers.”
    Again, I couldn’t deny what she was saying, so I stayed quiet. “When do you have to decide?”
    Her expression turned sadder. “Soon. There are families interested in her. They want to meet me, but all I can think about is the fact that she’s mine. My baby. I don’t want them to take her. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.” She turned to look at me, but all I could do was look back, because there was no right answer here. No easy path. No simple instruction. Either way, her life would never be the same.
    ***
    I made my way up the steps to my apartment in Charleston Haven, my heart heavy from two back-to-back sessions at Helping Hands. Maggie had left shortly after revealing that she was considering giving up her baby for adoption, and then I tried to help out a patient with suicidal thoughts. It was horrifying to have to listen to everything he endured on a daily basis, and I tried to help him through his troubles, but my mind kept drifting back to Maggie. I couldn’t get the sad look on her face out of my head, the one she had when she told me she wanted to keep her baby. The torment was so apparent on her face as she had struggled with the choice she had to make.
    My mind drifted back to my abortion appointment. My mom had stepped outside to take a call, and as soon as the door shut, the doctor came over to me, her eyes locked on mine as she asked if I was sure about my decision. She said that it wasn’t something I had to do that day, that I could think about it, but she didn’t know my mother. I remembered telling myself that I wouldn’t cry as I told him I was sure, though I knew my bottom lip was shaking, giving me away. And then it was over and Mom drove me home in silence, never once asking if I was okay or if I needed anything. She never hugged me or kissed my temple or smiled reassuringly as she had when I was little. And she never would again. The biggest decision of my life, and the most important person to me showed no support at all.
    I pushed my key into the knob at my apartment and turned. Immediately, I was met by laughter. I cringed, wishing I’d texted Olivia before coming home to see what our crowd was doing, but it was too late. Sarah shouted my name from the common room, and I went on inside to find everyone there, all of them dressed in swimsuits.
    â€œUh, hey,” I said,