Never Let Go by Deborah Smith Page A

the back porch and looked up as he stepped into the room. She frowned comically and pointed to a speck of blood on her wrist.
    "I've just had my first encounter with hungry chickens. No one told me that chickens are carnivorous."
    "Something's happenin' with Laurie," he told her. "Come on. I'm no good at this. I watched my dog have puppies once, and I nearly fainted."
    Dinah threw her wool poncho on a chair, then ran to the kitchen sink and began scrubbing her hands. She smiled. "But you're a grown man now."
    "Hell, I was thirty-two then ."
    The look she gave him was both amused and reassuring. "Go help Laurle sit up. Let her brace her back against you. I'll be there in a second."
    He turned to leave, then hesitated. "Dee?"
    "Yes?"
    The anger inside him wouldn't let the thought rest. "I wish to God I'd been with you when Katie was born."
    The understanding and sorrow that flooded her eyes shook him to the core. "My darling, I wanted you there more than you can ever imagine."
    A little stunned, he simply nodded.
    ***
    Samuel Chase Jr.. was born that evening just after ten o'clock. Both mother and son fared well, and by eleven young Sam was cleaned, fed, and wrapped in a blue baby blanket that had belonged to several generations of the family.
    Dinah and Rucker left him asleep by his mother's side. They walked wearily to the kitchen and slumped at the table. Dinah put her head on her folded hands.
    Abruptly she felt Rucker's strong, supple fingers on the back of her neck. "Good work, gal," he murmured. "I was a great coach, but you were a star quarterback."
    His touch produced incredible sensations in her tired muscles. "We make a terrific team," she agreed groggily, then chuckled. "Even if you did keep saying shove instead of push."
    He laughed too. "Push didn't do the trick. Not tough enough."
    "Wasn't it wonderful?"
    Rucker laughed again. "Different from puppies." His laughter trailed off and his voice became serious. "Yeah. Even when you know all the biology about it, it still seems like a miracle—that little life growin' from the love two people share."
    "When I held Katie the first time, right after she was born, I kept thinking, 'Rucker and I are together inside this tiny person. Nothing can ever change that. We created a new life that will always hold a part of us.' It was a miracle, because I felt so close to you even though you were thousands of miles away."
    She shut her eyes in a grimace of remorse as his fingers quivered against her skin. She sensed all his anguish and unanswered questions. Both she and he were silent for a few seconds. His voice came to her, low and troubled. "Did you hurt as bad as Laurle did?"
    "I've forgotten how much. Mother Nature has a way of erasing the memory. But yes, it hurt."
    "You didn't have any painkillers?"
    "No."
    "A doctor?"
    "In the Suradoran jungle? No. A midwife. An Indian woman who'd been trained in nursing."
    Rucker's voice became tense. "Wasn't that a risky way to have our baby?"
    "I didn't have any choice."
    She heard his harsh intake of breath. "Because of Valdivia?"
    "Yes."
    Rucker withdrew his hand. "So you always let him tell you what's best?" he asked in disgust.
    Dinah struggled for a moment. What else could she say? "Yes."
    "That's a helluva cowardly way to live. I'm not sure which I hate worse—you bein' a traitor to your country or bein' a slave to a man like Valdivia."
    Dinah flinched. Their momentary truce had left her open and vulnerable to his attack. She was so tired. So tired of the fear, the loneliness, the worrying about Katie, the hurting for Rucker, the hurting for herself. so tired of the stomach-wrenching frustration from hiding the truth. She couldn't take anymore of Rucker's painful insinuations, deserved or not.
    She raised her head, heedless of the big tears that slipped down her cheeks. His harsh gaze was on her. "I know you like being cruel to me," she said brokenly. "And I understand why. But please, for just a little while, stop trying to make