Nuklear Age by Brian Clevinger Page B

lesson!” he snorted. “Let’s get on with testin’ the haggis!”
    “I be tellin’ ye, it’s not haggis!”
    “Atomik Lad!” Nuklear Man barked as though several thousand lives depended on it. He tried to evoke that effect with any order he gave. “Fetch the Kismet Krunchies and warm up the supercomputer!”
    Atomik Lad shrugged and set the drink tray on a nearby table that was already cluttered with objects covered in lights that did a lot of blinking for no apparent reason. “Sure.”
    “Meanwhile,” the Hero posed yet again. “I'll find out what the heck is going on with these two.”
    And so Seamus and Angus told unto Nuklear Man the story of their glory days.
    __________
     
    Back in the wondrous days some call “the sixties” and others call “ARGH!” there were two close friends who just happened to be millionaires. To be honest, there was quite a bit more, but as far as this story goes these two are the only things we really have to worry about. The first was a Scottish cereal industrialist, Angus McDougal, while the second was an Irish industrial cerealist, Seamus O’Riley. The two pooled their talents and resources to create some of the most fascinating breakfast theory and sugar filled cereals known to man. Their ultimate creation, Seizure Pops, contained a reality breaking 112% sugar and put them on the map of breakfast food companies.
    Then Angus had the idea of combining his proud and rich Scottish heritage with his proud and very rich cereal company. He designed a new cereal, Scottish Squishies, with haggis as the main ingredient. He was immediately laughed out of the business. Seamus, wanting to help his friend, asked for the recipe to see what he might be able to do.
    Kismet Krunchies, featuring the secret ingredient known only as Kismet Green, hit supermarkets across the globe a year later. It met with even greater success than Seizure Pops had. Angus, convinced that Seamus had stolen his haggis idea, spent his savings to develop a powered suit of armor so that he could become an overpowered defender of the little guy. Literally.
    The Iron Scotsman was born.
    __________
     
    Atomik Lad sat in front of the computer monitor while clicking away at the keys and listening intently to the exposition as it wrapped up.
    “All right,” the sidekick said. “The results should be displayed any minute now.”
    Nuklear Man stood behind Atomik Lad and leaned down on the seat back. “What's it say, what's it say, what's it say?”
    “Calm down.”
    “How did it know?”
    “Shh!”
    Angus stood beside Atomik Lad. Seamus sipped on a cup of juice while gazing up the high hollow tower of the Silo.
    “Hmm,” Atomik Lad said. “The computer is having trouble pinning it down. It’s inorganic in origin,” Atomik Lad noted from the results as they slowly scrolled up the screen.
    “Sounds like haggis to me!” Angus said.
    Atomik Lad’s face flashed with surprise, “Rocket fuel?”
    “No wonder it's so good!” Nuklear Man praised. He immediately stuffed a fistful of Krunchies into his mouth. Crumbs cascaded down his body.
    Angus wheeled around and stomped loudly to Seamus who was still examining the incredible height of the Silo's roof. Or the incredible depth of its floor, either way.
    “Why didn’t ye tell me after all these years?”
    He faced his old friend. “You wouldn’t let me. And would you be believin’ me anyway?”
    “No,” Angus mumbled into his beard.
    “And besides, the boy-o’s in legal said it would be bad for business if anyone caught wind that Kismet Green was rocket fuel and not something a little more edible.”
    “But how?” Atomik Lad was beside himself. “Who...I...” he took a deep breath. “Why didn't anyone notice it was a powerful explosive and not some kind of sugar?”
    “Well, when Angus gave me his recipe for Scottish Squishies we tried taste testin’ it. When we told ’em it was made o’ haggis, they either ran screaming or asked what haggis was