One and Only by Gerald Nicosia Page A

Anne to sign the annulment papers was to threaten her life. But when he confronted Lu Anne, as she tells it, he demanded she either go back to Denver with him and live with him again as his wife, or else join him in a death pact. When she refused either alternative, he took her out to the beach and raped her, then brought her back to her apartment and ordered her to pack. Lu Anne did not speak of the rape on the taped interview, though she told it to others; and she hints of it in a way on the tape, saying there are events of that day she is leaving out. In any case, she slipped out of the apartment, leaving him there alone with the gun. In an agony of indecision, he tried and failed several times to commit suicide.
    At the end of February, he made a nonstop drive to Denver with
Lu Anne, to obtain the annulment before she turned 18. Carolyn’s version is that he felt his only chance for peace of mind was to marry and settle down with her. Lu Anne’s version is that Carolyn used her pregnancy to force Neal into a marriage he really didn’t want.
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    Lu Anne:
    I didn’t see Jack again until Neal and I went back to New York in December 1948. In the meantime, Neal went to San Francisco, got involved with Carolyn, got her pregnant, and decided to marry her. But first he had to get his marriage to me annulled.
    When Neal drove me back to Denver to get our annulment, it was really the greatest trip we ever took—it truly was. We were all living in San Francisco. Neal was with Carolyn, who was like four months pregnant. We knew we had to do it quick. We only had two days before I was going to turn eighteen, and we couldn’t have gotten an annulment after that. So Neal made another one of his nonstop drives.
    The judge barely gave us the annulment. Neal was all over me in the courtroom. I’m telling them that he chippied on me all the time, and he’d beat me, and I wanted this annulment. There was a woman judge, and she called us into her chambers. We’re sitting there in front of her, and Neal couldn’t keep his hands off me. She kept saying, “Are you sure you kids want an annulment? You seem like you get along quite well together.” Because Neal wasn’t with the program at all; he should’ve at least acted like he was upset. But when she kept asking us if we really wanted the annulment, Neal started laughing. He says, “No, no, no, I always chippy on her. I’m always running around with other women!” I’m telling her, “He beats me all the time!” and then Neal would give me a big kiss! It was an insane scene. This judge, she just didn’t know what was happening, but she finally gave in and we got the annulment.
    We were gone for a while—ten days, or maybe a couple of weeks.

    We drove back to San Francisco through another snowstorm. It seemed like we were always going through snowstorms. That trip was in March too. When we reached California, we went through the Sierras, and they were still having snow.
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    Neal Cassady in the driver’s seat, on the way to Bolinas, 1962. (Photo by Allen Ginsberg or Charles Plymell; courtesy of Allen Ginsberg Estate.)

PART THREE

    N eal married Carolyn Robinson on April 1, 1948, in San Francisco. Through his uncle, Hinkle had already been hired to his life’s job on the Southern Pacific Railroad; impressed at his fistful of pay stubs, Neal asked Al to help him get hired too. Soon Neal was earning a good salary on the railroad, and according to his letters, seemed to be enjoying his new domestic life with Carolyn. He hadn’t written anyone during those few months of confusion and terror when he had been so torn between Carolyn and Lu Anne, but now he wrote both Jack and Allen about all his newfound pleasures. He also started work on his autobiography, which would never be finished, and which would be published posthumously as The First Third . He especially hoped Jack would consider coming