Parly Road: The Glasgow Chronicles 1 by Ian Todd Page A

Station.  If ye didnae want tae bump intae anywan ye owed money tae, ye could try yer luck by leaving Castle Street via Stirling Road which ran straight intae Cathedral Street and eventually hit Dundas Street at its southern end.  Heidin doon this route wis less populated wae hooses and shoaps because ye hid Collins the book publishers, Allan Glen’s School fur the posh boys, Stow College ae Hairdressing and the Orange Order Hall, aw oan the right haun side. This wis the route tae take if yer debts wur deadly and ye wanted tae catch a train north fae the train station. In the middle ae aw this learning, leisure, industry and recovery, ye hid thirty five thousand people crammed intae slums that hidnae changed much in o’er a century.
      Although he’d hid a few wee war wounds oan his travels, his successful approach tae polis work hid been rightly recognised and rewarded and hidnae changed fae the traditional approach as applied by Glesga’s finest fur as long as anywan could remember.
      “Put a boot right up the arses ae bampots, toe-rags and in particular the thieving wee basturts who ur running roond the streets at aw hours, terrorising everywan and their dug,” the master crime fighter hid stated tae Colin, the inspector, and aw his new Toonheid colleagues, in reply tae the warm welcome spiel he’d goat at Central two years earlier.
      Talking ae dugs, he thought aboot whit The Inspector hid said tae him that very efternoon before he started the back shift.
      “As well as that wee manky gang ae misfits who ur breaking intae shoaps, make sure ye put the squeeze oan that local Toi mob that ur still hinging aboot the street corners at the end ae McAslin Street and Grafton Square,” The Inspector hid reminded him.
      He’d tried tae tell the Inspector that it wisnae the Toonheid Toi, the local street gang, that they needed tae be concerned aboot, bit that thieving wee gang ae manky toe-rags who wur stealing everything that wisnae screwed doon. Hid he no awready put hauf ae the Toi intae approved schools or borstals and the few that wur left hinging aroond couldnae get intae a fight, even if they tried? The Inspector hid been insistent though.
      “Listen, Liam, if JP Donnelly says there’s gang trouble up in Toonheid, then there’s bloody gang trouble. Ah want tae see some improvement o’er the next wee while that shows we’re cracking doon.”
      So, the pressure wis oan. There hid been a couple ae stabbings recently in The Grafton Bar where the victims hid included Tam the Bam, who wis the heid barman, and his dug, Elvis. Everywan knew fine well that it hid been Tam’s wife who’d inflicted the damage efter accusing Tam ae trying tae dip his wick intae her ugly sister. Tae ensure she kept her mooth shut, Tam, the bam that he wis, hid proceeded tae try and strangle his wife’s sister in front ae a full hoose.  While aw this wis in progress, his wife, who wis also as drunk as a fart and leading the chorus tae ‘The Auld Rugged Cross’, hid taken umbrage at the assault oan her sister and hid proceeded tae stab Tam in the arse wae the spiked end ae her stainless steel comb, while he hid his sister-in-law bent backwards o’er the bar wae two hauns aroond her throat, howling that he loved his wife. Elvis hid goat in the way ae Sister Psycho while his teeth wur gum deep in Tam’s other cheek. It wis only when Tam hid goat arrested up at The Royal fur breach ae the peace efter demanding they patch up Elvis first, that the story ae Tam and his dug being set upon and stabbed by the Toonheid Toi hid been reported. JP Donnelly, the local cooncillor and Justice ae the Peace, a wee fat sleekit basturt wae the morals ae an alley cat who’d his fingers in aw sorts ae gravy pies, hid let Tam aff the next morning efter a night in the chokey, wae a warning aboot his future behaviour. He’d then goat oan the blower two days efter his meeting wae The Chief Inspector, tae demand something be done tae tackle the