Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Episode 11 by Chautona Havig Page A

’ m not —”
    Willow whirled and buried her face in Chad ’ s chest , weeping. “ Shh — I thought you ’ d been handling things a little too well lately, ” Chad said , as he smoothed her hair and held her. The tears eventually soaked his shirtfront , but she couldn ’ t seem to control her emotions . “ Hey, when was the last time you broke some dishes? ”
    A faint giggle escaped from the folds of his sweatshirt breaking up the sobs and sniffles for a moment. “ Too long , I guess, ” she confessed.
    “ Well why haven ’ t you? ”
    “It felt—” she confessed , trying to find the right words. “ Felt like I should be strong enough now to admit my loss and move on. I can ’ t fall apart forever. Mother would be horribly ashamed of the way I —” Willow stopped mid-sentence. He suspected that she didn’t know he knew of the late night sob fests and the nightmares, and Chad wasn’t going to enlighten her—not yet.
    “ Well, I think we all handle grief differently , and if crying or breaking dishes helps, I ’ ll go buy you some more dishes and invest in Kleenex .”
    “ Kleenex? ”
    “ The boxes of tissue that M om has all over her house and eventually will be all over this one? ” She started to protest, but he shook his head. “ I ’ m sorry , Willow , but I ’ m not giving up Kleenex. You can keep the lights off, burn the wood, we ’ ll forget TV and the I nternet for all I care, but I ’ m not giving up real toilet paper —”
    “ I use toilet paper! Sometimes I even blow my nose with it! ” she protested hotly.
    “ And I ’ m not giving up my lotion-infused, super soft Kleenex. Period .”
    Willow, after realizing that she was still curled against Chad ’ s chest and feeling a little self-conscious about it, tried to pull away and send him to Rockland , but Chad held fast. “ Huh uh. Not until I know you ’ re ok and until you promise to smash a few more dishes .”
    How long they stood there, neither of them knew. Chad smoothed her hair, wiped her tears, and prayed silently for comfort and healing. Eventually, Willow ’ s voice, smaller than he ’ d ever heard it, asked, “ Chad, do you ever pray for me? ”
    “ More than anyone or anything else , ” he reassured her . “ I n fact, I was just now .”
    “ Would you —” The strangled tone of her voice nearly killed him, but he waited for her to finish . “ Would you maybe, someday, pray with me? ”
    “ Aww , Willow, I ’ d have done it anytime. I just n ever knew how you felt about it.” He held her tighter. “ It has been a long time, hasn ’ t it? ”
    Fresh tears spilled from her eyes , and her hands dug for a handkerchief. “ See, these are better than your old Kleenex .”
    “ Why is that? ”
    She grinned as she wiped her tears away and blew the sniffles from her nose. “ I didn ’ t have to move away to go get them .”
     

     
     
    Stepping outside the door, Willow glanced at the sky. Noon was still a way off. Eagerly, she skipped back inside the barn, giggled at the sight of her confused animals, grabbed another dish, and threw it to the bottom of the barrel with every ounce of strength she had. Oh, she ’ d missed the glorious sound of breaking glass and ringing metal. Nothing made her feel more alive and normal than those rare times she ’ d spent destroying perfectly good dishes to rid herself of the angst that came with her loss.
    Once finished, Willow replaced the unbroken dishes, rolled the barrel out of the center of the floor, and hurried inside the house. She hoped that Chad would return quickly , and if he did, he ’ d be hungry. She pounded beefsteak to a thin flat layer and returned it to the icebox. They ’ d have pizza. Chad liked pizza.
    Upstairs, she covered the old green table with a small tablecloth and set the dollhouse on it. Their spare down comforter, quilted duvet, and several wool afghans were piled in the corner of the room waiting for Chad to return with Ellie ’ s