Private Pleasures by Vanessa Devereaux Page A

skin. It also lacked its once fresh scent, now being replaced with something that reminded me of the pool I learned to swim in.
    I walked to the transit hub and then huddled under the canopy with the rest of the crowd.
    “Can I shake your hand?” asked an older man. He looked at me and smiled. “I remember seeing your photo on the news report. Your husband was a hero.” He sandwiched my hand between his own.
    The Ones They Leave Behind , the headlines had read. Joel hadn’t died alone. Two other men had perished with him. My photo had appeared next to another widow’s and the soon-to-be bride’s of one of the other crew members who’d given up their lives.
    The transporter train pulled up and the old man swiftly pulled out two tokens. “This one’s on me,” he said.
    “No, really I couldn’t.”
    “I insist,” he said, pushing both tokens into the side of the train. The doors slid open, and he indicated for me to go ahead of him.
    “Thank you,” I said, opting to go to the back while he sat at the front, pulled out a tablet and read.
    I fingered the envelope in my pocket. It was something that should be opened and read in private, but I was curious as to what Joel had left for me. I reached for it, pulled it out and was about to tear it open, but stopped myself. I needed to be in our home, a place where I had memories of him so I felt his warmth surrounding me when I read the words.
    The man who’d bought me the ride stood when the train approached the first stop. He saluted me just before he got off, and I waved to him as it pulled away.
    We went into a tunnel, causing the train’s light to snap on. It rocked along. I was ten minutes from home. Ten minutes to knowing what was inside the envelope.

Chapter Two
     
    My hand shook as I placed the envelope on my lap. I glanced at Joel’s photo that sat on the desk. He’d chosen to wear his uniform for it. It was the last one he’d had taken. I looked at the letter again. Had he known he wouldn’t be coming back from that last mission, or was he just being overly cautious when he wrote this for me?
    I ripped the paper away from its contents. I now held a letter and a plastic disk had fallen onto my legs.
    Private Pleasures LLC was written on it. We’d talked about using their services.
     
    My lovely Natasha,
     
    I gave Jonny this to give to you should anything happen to me. Knowing him probably as well as he knows you, I’m guessing he’ll wait for a bit to give it to you.
    I know you’re missing me, and that’s the reason I went ahead and did this. You deserve some fun, some pleasure…yeah, you definitely deserve that.
    My insurance bond with the Agency has enabled you to do just that. In here you’ll find a gift disk for Private Pleasures. We should have gone there together and not waited, but have my share of the fun while you’re there.
    And I also have a little surprise waiting for you at the end of your adventure. I hope you won’t be angry with me, but it’s something I’d really like you to do.
    I love you and always will.
     
    Joel
     
    A tear splashed onto the paper, smudging the bit where he’d said he’d love me always. I quickly wiped it, hoping I wasn’t doing more damage. I’d keep this letter for the rest of my life.
    I picked up the disk. Private Pleasures allowed you to be anyone and live out your wildest fantasies. You could be rich, an athlete, you could even pretend you were eating things that hadn’t been available since Earth became a scorched mess. Once plentiful foods like strawberries and applies.
    I fingered the raised lettering on the disk. We’d always said we’d live out our sexual fantasy, and like the sexual beings we once were before Joel had been trapped beneath the rubble that had fallen on the day the asteroid fell. His body had mended, but the accident had left him impotent. We hadn’t had sex for three years before his death. He’d encouraged me to go out and find physical release with other men.