Reality Check by Niki Burnham

REALITY CHECK
     
    by
    Niki Burnham
     
     
    SMASHWORDS EDITION
     
     
     
    * * *
    Reality Check
    Copyright 2006, 2011 by Nicole Burnham
     
     
    Smashwords Edition License Notes
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    * * *
     
     
    REALITY CHECK
     
     
    To: [email protected]
    From: [email protected]
    Subject: Things That Are Wacked
     
    Val,
    So here's the thing: I know you're having a
fabulous time over there in Schwerinborg, going out with a prince
and all that. I'm sure Ron Howard is going to call and ask to make
a movie of your life someday. In the meantime, I am having a minor
crisis here in Virginia and need your help. And no, I can't talk to
Christie and Natalie about it because they'll get all judgmental on
me. (Yes, I had to spell-check judgmental. Mostly because I knew
YOU'D know how to spell it and would mentally be correcting me if I
got it wrong. And then you wouldn't be paying attention to what's
important here. Namely, me.)
    Anyway, as you are aware, I tend to avoid
relations with the male species that get any more touchy-feely than
one would experience in, say, a pickup basketball game. I like
being my independent, boyfriend-free self.
    Guys are generally more headache than they're
worth, right?
    Tell me they are. REMIND ME. I need a list of
reasons to keep me from doing something stupid.
    Teetering on the edge of oblivion,
    Jules
     
    * * *
     
    To: [email protected]
    From: [email protected]
    Subject: RE: Things That Are Wacked
     
    Jules,
    You obviously take me for a fool. (And not
just because I know you're full of it with the Ron Howard thing.
Five bucks says he can't even find Schwerinborg on a map.)
    You KNOW I must have details before I can
answer your question. Otherwise, anything I say is going to be used
against me at a future date. (Yes, I know you that well. You
remember everything I ever say and remind me of it when it's least
convenient.)
    So what's up? You fall for the fry guy at
work or something? What've you been doing at Wendy's when you're
not doling out Singles with Cheese or Biggie Drinks to anyone with
a spare buck or two?
    Val
     
    P.S.—Did I e-mail you yesterday to tell you
what Georg did? I had tons and tons of homework last night, and he
didn't get mad when I stayed home to do it and ditched our plans to
hang out in his family's apartment. He told me he understood and
made me promise to see a movie with him on Saturday when he's done
with his soccer game. (I think he got his hands on a copy of the
newest flick with my Fave Aussie Actor, but he won't tell me for
sure. He says it's a surprise.)
     
    P.P.S—My point is not to brag (well, maybe a
little) but to prove that it is possible to have a boyfriend and be
your independent self. It just has to be the right boyfriend. (And
no, that does not apply to the fry guy. Fry Guy is not Right Guy,
and therefore not worth the headache.) But you can't have my
boyfriend. Sorry.
     
    * * *
     
    To: [email protected]
    From: [email protected]
    Subject: RE: RE: Things That Are Wacked
     
    Val, Val, Val,
    (Sigh.) You know I wanted to be the Future
Princess of Schwerinborg, right? It's wrong that you got to Prince
Georg first. But then again, you have to live in a country that
sounds like a Swedish buffet. Nothanksnotforme. I like Virginia
just fine. If having Georg means living with a bunch of people who
speak German and eat sauerkraut and live in an unpronounceable
country, well, you can have him.
    As to my situation: No, it is not the fry guy
(Jeffrey? Not if he were the last living male on Earth. Give me
some