Reason by Allyson Young Page B

sadness.”
    Jamison concentrated on cutting his steak, and seemed to avoid her eyes. Finally, he looked up and gave another nod, this one reflecting very real caution. Ivone took a breath and tried again.
    “I don’t expect you to unburden yourself all at once, honey.” She hid a smile when Jamison’s eyes flared at the endearment. “But I want to get to know you, all about you, and I need to share with you . I’ve learned that I need that in a relationship. We’ve been very sexual with one another, and while there’s a really strong emotional component under all of that, well, I don’t think it’s enough unless we work on sharing.”
    Ivone worked her way through her salad and pushed little pieces of steak around her plate, waiting for Jamison to process and hopefully respond to her heartfelt statement. She wasn’t going to let him off easily, but the silence was taking its toll. She didn’t need continual conversation, but she did require some. His abrupt reentry into the dialogue made her start.
    “I’ll do my best and perhaps you’ll keep reminding me, Ivone.” Jamison’s almost formal response clearly reflected his inner turmoil. Ivone could feel it, despite his attempt to cover it. But it was a start, and she smiled at him and reached out to touch his hand. He turned it to capture hers and they just sat there in the moment, their food forgotten.
     
    * * * *
     
    Two months after their initial meeting, Jamison indicated that he would prefer it if Ivone moved in with him and gave up her job. He had prepared a contract that, while nullifying any legal rights she might have as his actual live-in, more than adequately provided for her for up to a year should they decide to separate, and adjusted for the cost of living. She well remembered how Jamison had tried to both convey his hope and enthusiasm while being careful not to appear pushy.
    “I took the liberty of having my attorney advise me on this contract, Ivone, so I can assure you it is fair. I want to know that you are going to be available whenever I should want you, not just for my baser needs,” he had hurried to assure her, “but I do travel for business and you of course will come with me.”
    Ivone knew that the settlement would give her the necessary time to find a place and secure employment if they terminated the relationship, although she sincerely hoped that would never come to pass. There was a part of her, deeply buried, that secretly hoped Jamison would make a different contract with her in time, that he would want to marry her, but she understood that whatever drove him to protect himself might not bend enough to allow for marriage. She determinedly told herself that she would be happy with what he was capable of. He was opening up to her each and every day, albeit in baby steps. It was like he was rusty, stifled, or that some things were totally foreign to him, like talking about simple things such as how his day had gone. Ivone did her best to overlook his slipups and hoped he would eventually not feel such a need to protect himself, at least not from her. She wasn’t going to do anything to maliciously hurt him or make him regret his metamorphosis. At some point he might even come to profess his love for her verbally, because she wasn’t telling him first. There was enough of her own history she hadn’t yet dealt with, that kept her from sharing that ultimate feeling. Because once you said it, the other person had you, body and soul, and could use it against you. There was no coming back if they misused it.
    In turn, Ivone reminded him about her parents’ relationship and how she was determined not to repeat their mistakes. Jamison seemed to understand her fears and tried to balance their strong physical encounters with more dialogue. She didn’t worry that he would cheat on her, like her father had done to her mom. Jamison’s possessiveness kept her by his side nearly every hour of the day. He installed a lock on his office