Recognition by Ann Herendeen Page A

always did. It was impossible. All I could
think of was freedom. In this La Sapienza Seminary I could buy
myself time, learn to control my gift, be safe from all these men
so eager to find out if I was fertile. And I would not have to
impose on Dominic, force him into the role of protector that left
him vulnerable to the taunts and accusations of the others. I could
take a leave from my Terran job, maybe quit—
    There was the catch. If I wasn’t careful, the
world I came from would follow me. Lord Singh, whom Lady Ndoko had
so thoroughly rebuked, might have been an alarmist about my spying,
but he was right about most of what he feared now. As soon as one
of their citizens entered the restricted world of ‘Graven and
signal station, the Terrans would take it as a mandate to overturn
Eclipsis’ Protected status that prevented development and commerce.
All the apparatus of modernization would follow. Everything I had
seen in my few weeks on my new job convinced me of the very real
danger.
    Whatever my preferences, or those of the
other inhabitants, I didn’t want to bring ruin to Dominic’s world.
I knew him well enough to be certain that this was the only world
he could live in. Destroy it, and I destroyed him, as surely as if
I took a forbidden Terran weapon and blasted him into subatomic
particles.
    The large meal had replenished my strength,
although I wished I had drunk some of that coffee-turpentine to
make my mind work less sluggishly. Still, a plan was forming, based
as much on what I could get from the others’ apprehensions as from
my own initiative.
    I raised my head, took a breath and turned to
Lord Singh. “Your fears are well-founded, Landgrave,” I said, using
the honorific I had heard in the others’ speech, to show respect
for the man and his concerns. “If I go to La Sapienza as a Terran,
it’s an invitation to disaster.”
    I turned next to the young man who had
befriended me earlier in the test. “Lord Roger, would you please
show me the inner flame?”
    Lord Roger, guessing what I had planned,
winked at me, raised his left hand and snapped his fingers. A blue
flame appeared at the end of his thumb like a magician’s illusion.
He pretended to snuff it out with his right hand, then drew his
dagger and used the prism at the finial, much the way Dominic had
manipulated the traffic light, to concentrate his body’s heat into
a visible form that resembled a stove’s gas jet. He did it several
times, slowly, until I had observed and memorized all the
steps.
    We learn this as children
, he
thought to me,
like your insect-frying on Terra. We don’t need
a prism once we’re adults. It’s why ‘Gravina Ertegun thought you
would know
.
    Lady Ertegun handed me a similar dagger
without comment as I faced the Assembly one last time. Working
through the prism, I created my own blue flame that burned steadily
with only occasional flare-ups. With my right hand, I opened my
wallet and pulled out all my Terran documents. One by one, I held
each to the flame, let it shrivel and vaporize. Passport, off-world
ID, housing voucher, Information Department hologram. The hologram
made a satisfying popping noise as it melted.
    When the documents were all gone I
extinguished the flame and announced, “I am no longer Terran. I am
simply a gifted woman, as you have voted. I will go to La Sapienza
for training, and if there is any Terran interference I will answer
for it.”
    Of course the master records were all on
file, at the Terran Protectorate administrative offices, and on
Terra itself. Most of the Eclipsians knew that. But they appreciate
gestures, and they understood the significance of what I had done.
I had renounced my allegiance to my native world, had deliberately
cut myself off, made myself hostage. While Terra could always find
me, it could no longer claim me as its own without my consent. And
if I wanted to return to my old life, I would have to start from
scratch, like an Eclipsian. Like one of them.
    I