Rio Loco by Robert J. Conley Page A

way over to the county seat I was thinking about that damned Chugwater andwhat I would like to do to him whenever I got me the chance to do it. I pulled out my bottle now and then and had me a swig a’ that good stuff.
    I was feeling pretty damn high by the time I pulled up in front a’ Cody’s office. I just set there in the saddle for a bit. Final I dragged my ass outta the seat and stepped down onto the street. My legs buckled and I like to set down, but I never. I kept on my feet. I turned real slow and deliberate and tied my ole horse to the rail. Then I aimed myself at the door to Cody’s office and walked up there, stumbling a bit on the step up to the boardwalk. I got to the door and grabbed on to the handle, but the goddamn door was locked. I pounded on it before I decided that Cody just weren’t there.
    Then I figgered the lazy bastard was acrost the street at the saloon what was over there. I pulled myself up straight and headed for it. I weaved my way clean acrost the street, dodging one wagon and two horses that come along, but I final made it over there. I shoved the batwing doors open and stepped in. The doors hit me in the ass. I stood looking around till I spotted Cody, and then I went to walking straight at him. He was a-setting at a round table in a front corner a’ the bar. He looked up when he seen my mass a-coming, and then he stood up. “Barjack,” he said. “What brings you over this way?”
    â€œI got problems in Asininity, Cody,” I said. “I need your help.”
    â€œSit down, Barjack,” he said, “and tell me about it. You want a drink? You don’t look like you need one.”
    â€œHell, yes, I want a drink,” I said. Cody called for a whiskey, and they brung it to me, in a little sissy glass. “I’m more serious than this,” I said, so the barkeep went and brung back a good-sized glass and set it down in front a’ me. He stood there a-waiting till Cody said, “Put it on my tab.” Then he went away. First thing I done was to drink down that first little sissy drink he brung me.
    â€œAll right, Barjack,” Cody said. “What’s your problem?”
    They was other men a-setting at that table with Cody, but he never bothered to interduce none a’ them. I done like he done. I just ignored them.
    â€œI arrested Owl Shit the other day for a killing he done in the Hooch House,” I said. “His brother, ole Chugwater, has swore to get him out. I got all my depitties guarding the jailhouse waiting for the judge to get to town. Chugwater has called in twenty gunslingers to help him. He’s blocked off Asininity too. I need you and a good-sized posse to ride over to Asininity to help us out.”
    Cody tuck a swig a’ his drink. Then, “Barjack,” he said, “you’ve been in scrapes bigger than this before, and you always got yourself out all right. Why do you think you need my help this time?”
    â€œHell, Cody,” I said, “Chugwater had twenty cowhands to begin with. Now he’s got forty men. I ain’t got but maybe six depitties, and one of them’s a scribbler and two of them’s women. You’re the goddamn county sheriff, and Asininity’s in your county. It’s your damn job.”
    â€œI don’t know, Barjack.”
    â€œThey tried to stop me from riding over here,” Isaid. “Five of them, but I blowed their asses all to hell.”
    â€œThen there’s only thirty-five left,” he said. “Barjack, you don’t need me.”
    â€œWhat the hell kind of a lawman are you anyway?” I said. He was beginning to piss me off. “Hell. You know what I think? I think you ain’t even really related to ole Buffalo Bill Cody a’tall. I think your real name ain’t even Cody. That’s what I think.”
    Cody stood up. “You trying to start something with me?” he said.
    â€œIf I do