Roland's Castle by Becky York Page A

way.
    With the idiot pair sent off again
Roland and company returned to planning the castles defence, but it
was not long before another shout of “enemy approaching” went
around.
    “They’re not back again are they?”
Roland cursed, but this time it was not for Bobblejob and Jubblebub
but a solitary rider coming across the fields from the hill. They
went back up to the battlements and soon the rider was close enough
for them to recognise him as Dagarth's Herald. He stopped at the
far edge of the moat and seeing that he had the attention of those
in the castle, called out, “My lord Dagarth most generously offers
a pardon in exchange for the surrender of this castle, it being
rightly his and villainously taken from him. He is willing to
overlook the whole thing if you just give it back.”
    Roland took a breath to say ‘no,
never’ in robust terms but Firebrace put his hand on his arm.
    “We could still do with time to
prepare. We are not quite ready yet. Let’s see if they will
negotiate, just for the sake of time,”
    Roland agreed, and shouted to the
herald, “We have some conditions.”
    “Let us hear them!” The herald
said.
    “What shall we say?” Roland asked
the others. They huddled together.
    “Ask them for time to think about
it.” Oliver suggested.
    “No. They might get the right
idea,” Roland objected. “We need some conditions they will need to
think about.”
    “What about insisting your auntie
goes on a diet,” Oliver suggested, “you could insist she goes on
the Holy Healthy Hermit Plan.”
    “What’s that?”
    “The latest diet book. The
monasteries can’t copy enough of them. It was written by this batty
old nun who lives on like two walnuts and a blackberry a day. She
celebrates Easter with the yolk of a hardboiled egg and gives up
shaving for lent.”
    “sounds awful,” Roland said, “I am
sure auntie Hildegrind will love it – particularly the not-shaving
bit. On that theme, let’s insist the rest of them suffer... , I
think that Dogwood and Dagwood should be spanked once a week. And
Dagarth should be forced to melt down his iron maidens and sell the
metal for scrap to help the poor!”
    “Yes, and the rack converted to a
table so they can eat a hearty meal off of it!” Oliver added.
    “And that ghastly throne broken up
too,” Roland said, “Let’s tell the herald.”
    The herald’s attention was called
and the conditions read out. To their delight He shifted in his
saddle rather uncomfortably, particularly at the suggestion
regarding the torture equipment. He knew for sure the reception
that that was going to get. He was sent on his way.
    They expected there be some
discussion in the enemy camp but the herald was soon back, and with
some alternative proposals:
Auntie Hildegrind will go on a diet
and will lose a stone before Michaelmas.
Dogwood and Dagwood to be spanked twice a month.
Half the iron maidens to be melted
down and the scrap sold to feed the poor
The rack to be put in storage in
case it is needed in the future
The throne to stay
    “Hmmm,” said Roland. “Why didn't he
just accept our proposals right off? He doesn’t have to keep to
them once he’s back in. It wouldn’t be like him to.”
    “Perhaps he is playing for time
too,” Oliver said.
    “It’s Pride,” Firebrace said,
“Pride. He doesn’t want to be seen to be backing down too far, even
if he has no intention of keeping his word...”
    “Well, it’s not good enough,”
Roland said. “The throne has to go – that is non-negotiable.”
    He told the herald: “We want the
rack broken up and used as firewood and Dogwood and Dagwood to be
spanked with planks from it four times a month. And auntie
Hildegrind must lose three stone by Christmas. The throne must,
repeat must, be thrown out!”
    “That told him,” said Oliver, as
the herald galloped away.

    This time there was a longer pause,
but sure enough a rider approached the castle from the direction of
the hill. As he got closer