Roman Summer by Jane Arbor Page B

must love in return, and I—don’t.’
    ‘Why not?’ he asked again. ‘Because you see the thought of a second marriage as a disloyalty to your first?’
    Though she knew it wasn’t so she clutched at the straw of that. ‘I don’t know. Perhaps — ’
    He shook his head. ‘I don’t think a husband who had cared for you could grudge you a love like mine—after years. Or is it that you really don’t know, and I’ve rushed into telling you? Telling you before showing you — As I can, if you’ll let me.’
    He rose as he spoke and went over to her, taking her glass from her and drawing her to her feet. Then his arms went round her and he kissed her long and tenderly on her lips, her throat, her brow, evoking no pulse of response in her, no stirring of the blood.
    At last she said, ‘Don’t, please — ’ and turned aside her head. He stood back from her, though not releasing her hands. His face looked suddenly old. ‘No?’ he said. ‘It’s not that I’ve rushed you or that you need time to learn to love again? You’re telling me that there’s nothing there for me at all?’
    She shook her head. ‘Not—like that. But I like you so much. Believe that, please. It’s the rest—the rest that you want from me that isn’t there.’
    He drew her to him again and she leaned against him gratefully. ‘Not your fault. You can’t help it. But I had to know,’ he said, his voice rough.
    ‘Yes. Will you tell Agnese what has happened between us?’ Ruth asked.
    ‘Yes.’ He hesitated. ‘I don’t like to say this to you, but I think she may be—relieved.’
    Remembering her pledge to know nothing of Agnese’s hostile fears, Ruth said, ‘You think she wouldn’t want you to marry me?’
    ‘I think she doesn’t want me to marry at all. She is afraid of losing me to another woman.’
    ‘And I daresay you’d rather I kept away from the Casa as much as I can in future?’
    ‘Kept away? Oh no, that mustn’t happen. I can control myself, I promise you. Say you will come again as usual?’ he pleaded.
    She smiled at him. ‘Very well, I’ll come.’ (If he was generous enough to want her without strings, she wouldn’t let Agnese drive her away!) She disengaged herself gently and stood apart from him. Just in time, as it happened, to save them both embarrassment as the door opened and Cicely, followed by Erle , came in.
    ‘We met in the Trastevere. I was lost,’ Cicely explained. The two men exchanged nods and a word or two and alm ost at once Cesare excused himself.
    ‘You haven’t finished your drink,’ Erle pointed out.
    ‘Oh—no.’ Cesare swallowed it at a gulp and Ruth went down with him. ‘Must you tell them that you have refused me? I have my pride,’ he said at the door, and looked relieved when Ruth said she would say nothing about it.
    Cicely had gone to her room, leaving Erle alone. He refused a drink, saying he wasn’t staying. ‘By the way,’ he added, ‘when I told you I wasn’t suggesting you should send Cicely out on her own at midnight, I wasn’t implying that you were free to get rid of her at any hour up to midnight for your own convenience.’
    Ruth stared. ‘For my convenience? What do you mean? I didn’t send Cicely out anywhere.’
    ‘No? Well, I must say Fonte made as hasty an exit as if he’d been caught in a guilty assignation.’
    ‘You’re implying that I got rid of Cicely because I’d made a date here with Cesare and didn’t want her around?’
    ‘Seemed likely, I thought, when we found him here, and neither of you particularly at ease. Just standing, as if you’d sold all your chairs.’
    ‘He was on the point of leaving,’ Ruth lied.
    ‘And left—like the proverbial scalded cat. However, if you say so, I’d better believe that it wasn’t by your design that Cicely was wandering in a maze of alleys in the Trastevere as nearly as not after dark. If I hadn’t happened by in the car, she might have been there still.’
    ‘But she left here in full