Rumble Road by Jon Robinson

was absolutely horrified by even the look of this tiny car, as he was used to riding everywhere in limousines. But here we were, the four of us crammed into this small car, all of us hung over and in need of some food before we get out of Las Vegas.
     
     
    So we pull over to a Subway to get a sandwich, and while we’re in there, let me just say that for the two weeks leading up to this moment, Ric Flair had been—I won’t say bragging, but let’s just say he’d been overemphasizing to all the boys that he had just opened up a new gym in St. Martin in the Caribbean. So we’re inside this Subway, and Flair had just walked out and gotten into the car because he had decided he was going to drive us to Lancaster. But while I’m waiting for my sandwich, I hear on the radio inside the store that a huge hurricane had just ripped through St. Martin and wiped out the whole island. So I get back into the car and sit in the back, and I waited until we were about five miles outside of Vegas until I decided to tell him. “I just heard on the radio how a big hurricane just blew through St. Martin and is blowing everything away.” Ric looked up at me through the rearview mirror and just went, “Oh no, brother.” The look on his face, I just started laughing.
    Now some people, when they get nervous they smash things up, but to me, I get lost in these giggle fits where I just can’t stop laughing. I actually end up making myself ill from laughing so much. So I started laughing so much that Bobby Eaton started laughing, and there are bits of Subway coming down my nose by this point, and Arn Anderson sees this, so he started laughing. Flair had just spent over one hundred thousand dollars on gym equipment, and it all just blew away.
    So we’re driving farther and farther into the desert, and every once in a while I just break out laughing again, and that gets everyone else laughing except for Flair. He’s absolutely out of his mind now as he just can’t find the funny side to this, but we were all hung over driving through the middle of the desert, just driving and driving, when he says to me, “Get the map out. Are you sure we’re going the right way?” So I took the map out, and I just read the map the way I saw it. He asked me where we were, and I said, “We’re in the Mo-Jo Desert.” He was like, “You stupid bastard, it’s the Mojave Desert.”
    He then proceeded to cut a promo on us while he’s driving. He started saying how he’s the Nature Boy and how he’s used to riding in jets and limousines, but for some reason he was lost in the middle of the desert with three drunk lunatics and the Gila monsters. So we’re laughing even harder now and steam is just coming out of his ears at this point. Bobby Eaton then points to me and he says, “Lord keeps lizards.” Bobby always called me “Lord” because back then I went by the name Lord Steven Regal. Anyway, Flair then sees an opening to get the topic of conversation onto something else and get everything back to normal, so he asks me what kind of lizards I keep. I tell him, “I have a few of this and a few of that.” And then he asks me, “Are they still alive?” And Arn Anderson says, “No, he’s got them nailed to a board in his house.”
    That was it. That just pushed Flair completely over the edge. From his investment getting blown away to all the giggling in the back to now Arn taking the first somewhat normal conversation we’ve had in an hour and snapping at him, Flair just couldn’t take it anymore. He slams the brakes on the car in the middle of the desert, gets out, and starts running around the car, screaming. “Raaahh!” Flair just lost it.
    Eventually we get him back in the car and calm him down, and we still have to drive like three hundred miles to get to the show, and the whole time, I just keep breaking down laughing.
    Now, this whole time, Flair is wearing this all-white suit. So I tell him, “You know what, Ric, I’ve been to