Seductive Viennese Whirl by Emma Kaufmann Page A

sleep. Turns out it was all to do with where the beds were positioned! I know you think I'm full of new age hooey, but after Serge moved their beds to the east side of the house and put the headboards facing north Blair sleeps through the night and Basil remembers to get up and use the toilet if he needs to go. Isn't that amazing? And the upside of peace at night means that Donald and I have tons of energy for some rather enjoyable rumpy pumpy. I swear Egg, you should try it (feng shui, not sex with Donald!) I'm sure you'd feel much more positive about life and possibly even stop being attracted to the wrong sort of man. Think about it.
     
    Must dash, need to take Basil to his Beginners Pottery class.
     
    Lots of love,
     
    Egg

Chapter 10
Going for a break
    The Canter Agency
    28 - 32 Greek Street
    London W1 5UJ
    England
     
    9 August 2011
     
    Dear Egg,
     
    Thanks for your email and your concern, but I don't think having our place feng shuied would help a jot. In any case I don't have the disposable income to pay for a consultant. Although I could do with a pick me up. The last couple of weeks have been a bit tense if you really want to know. When I got back from visiting Sten in hospital and gave the Haddock the low-down on his condition she wasn't at all happy.
    "I don't believe it," she said. "I just don't. There's not a damn thing wrong with those pies." The Haddock has a blind spot where her clients are concerned, as in, they can do no wrong. I, on the other hand, can do no right.
    "It's what the doctor said."
    "Impossible. I think it's much more likely that you're mixed up in this. You do tend to destroy whatever you touch."
    "Now hold on!"
    She looked at me coolly. "Are you telling me you weren't behind the broken parcel weighing machine?"
    "I don't know what you mean," I said, trying to look innocent. How did she even know about me and Ricky when I hadn't told a soul apart from Eva?
    "Look, I don't care what you and Ricky get up to as long as you don't do it on company time," she'd said, giving me a withering look, "or on company property."
    And since then the Haddock's been on my back more than ever. Today I don't even dare take a lunch break. I just eat my two Danish lunch and keep working straight, noticing that Eva still isn't back from lunch. Surprise surprise. She's at one of her long business lunches with McManus in which business is never discussed. I mean, isn't it blindingly obvious to the Haddock they're having an affair? On company time. Why doesn't she have a go at Eva about wasting company time?
    I lean over and help myself to a half eaten packet of Monster Munch which lies on top of a heap of papers on Eva's desk. The clutter on it has gotten so bad now it's overflowed onto her seat. Sandwiched one on top of the other on her chair are lipstick smeared tissues, cans of hair mousse and several pairs of shoes. A Louis Vuitton carry on bag is squashed on top. Beneath her desk stands a matching travel bag.
    The phone rings and its Sten. His voice is as uplifting as digging into a vat of Haagen Daaz, without the downside of putting on weight. I was wrong in assuming he wouldn't call. He does. Frequently. And takes me to lunch. If only all men were so reliable. Right now he's telling me about a girl at work who had to get drunk before getting a Brazilian wax.
    "I said, ‘Oh please, Brazilians are so last year. Haven't you heard, hair is back.'" While I'm laughing I'm also thinking, how could I have been such a dunderhead as to have missed the signals that Sten was gay? You're right, Egg. I am so clueless.
    Once I've licked my fingers clean of Monster Munch and have finished my call with Sten I decide I can't hang around waiting for Eva any longer. She was meant to be heading off for her weekend in Vienna after work today, but it's five o'clock and she still isn't back. Since I'm dog tired I decide to slip off home, to a typical Friday night special, half a bottle of Bailey's, some reheated pizza and sitcom