Show Me How by Molly McAdams Page A

been asleep when I’d put him in the car. I hated that he’d heard us yelling. “No, buddy. No, we’re not,” I finally said.
    â€œThen why we yelling at Uncle J?”
    â€œSometimes . . .” I trailed off, and tried to think of what to tell him. “Sometimes grown-­ups don’t listen to each other very well. And sometimes when that happens, we raise our voices to get another grown-­up to finally hear us, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. It wasn’t nice of me to do that to Uncle J. I’m sorry you heard that.”
    Keith was silent for so long that I’d thought he’d fallen back asleep, but he suddenly said, “So Uncle J hears you now?”
    I nodded. “Maybe.”
    â€œOkay then, Mommy. Then it’s okay.”
    I smiled though he couldn’t see me, and whispered, “Thanks, buddy.”
    O NCE WE GOT home, I got Keith in his pajamas and in bed, then changed into something comfortable. I’d just finished taking off my makeup when I heard Grey and Jagger get home.
    I checked my phone again, and tried to hide the disappointment that there was still nothing from the stranger, then walked out into the main room to talk to Jagger.
    I knew he would be waiting for me, and I found him sitting on the couch, forearms resting on his knees and head dropped.
    Long seconds passed in silence after I sat down next to him before he looked up at me. His expression was withdrawn and full of worry, but a small smirk tugged at his mouth when I sent him a shaky smile.
    â€œI’m sorry,” I whispered.
    His head was already shaking before I finished getting the second word out. “Don’t be. Apparently I still think you need me for everything. I think I’ve chosen to forget that you were raising Keith and dealing with Mom on your own while I was away at college. In my head, you still need me. I know that you can make all of your own decisions, Charlie, but I feel like I still need to make them for you. You know?”
    â€œI want your opinion,” I said quickly. “I want your opinion, but I just want my brother. I don’t like when you say things and that’s the final decision for my life. Part of the agreement was that I needed to find my own place, but the times I’ve even mentioned that I’ve looked at places, you still say that it would just be easier to stay here in a way that hints that you don’t want us leaving. Yes, it would be easier, but I need a place with Keith, and you and Grey and Aly need this place to yourselves.”
    Jagger nodded slowly. “I know.” He sighed slowly, and said, “I know. Grey and I were talking on the way home about what you said. I don’t think I realize all that I’ve been doing all these years, and I swear to God I’ll step back.” He made a face, and the corners of his mouth pulled up in another grin. “ Try to. But there’s one thing I need to know. Do you resent me for making you go to college?” When I took too long to answer, he laughed sadly. “Got it.”
    â€œNo, I don’t. Really, Jag, I don’t. I was trying to think of how exactly I felt.” I looked away as I tried to gather my thoughts, and when I spoke again, my words started off slow and unsure. “I was upset, yes, but I knew why you did it. I knew that going away was something I had wanted growing up, and I think you were just trying to make sure I still had that. My wants changed after Keith was born though, and I don’t think you could fully understand that until Aly was here. But honestly, I’m not mad that you forced me to go, I’m mostly mad that I allowed you to. Like I said, some ­people think I pawned Keith off on you, and that’s how I feel too. It felt like as soon as he got to be mine, I abandoned him. I feel like I’m no better than Mom.”
    â€œYou’re nothing like her,” he argued