Song of the Silent Snow by Hubert Selby Jr. Page A

Forget it. Wally took his hand out of Mikes and smiled at him reassuringly. Who did it Wally - his voice louder and more anxious - I/ll killim. Take it easy Mike for Krists sake - Wallys anxiety mounting - its nothin ta get fucked up about. Mike put his arm around Wallys neck, I swear ta God Wally - his voice full of tears - Aint nobody gonna fuck with ya. Aint nobody gonna hurt ya. Wally put his hands on Mikes shoulders, then quickly yanked his injured one down. Im tellin ya Mike ta drop it. Just drop it, okay? Mike was crying and almost hanging on Wallys neck, I cant. I cant let somebody hurtya like that an get away with it. I dont give a shit how fuckin big he is or how fuckin many, I/ll getem. I swear on our Mothers head Wally I/ll - Wally shook his head and finally looked Mike in the eye and spoke as gently as he could through his confusion and fear, You did it Mike. Mike just stared, mouth hanging open, head shaking no. Yeah Mike. Earlier. Right here. Mikes mouth was still hanging open and his head shaking, I couldnt Wally, I couldnt - he looked at Wallys hand and more tears rolled down his cheeks. The tension and apprehension of the evening and the years, the worry and concern for his kid brother knocked down all the walls Wally had built and he almost cried as he shook Mike with his good hand, Jesus Krist Mike, I keep tellinya not to drink like that but you wont fuckin listen to me, I keep tellin ya every fuckin time - Mike was still shaking his head and crying, Wallys voice cracking with an occasional sob - to just take a couple a drinks an cool it but you gotta get stoned an go fuckin crazy and worry the shit outta me until I dont know whats comin down sometimes - Wally shook Mike again as he sobbed - I dont wanna see ya fucked up like this, Mike, Jesus Krist, I dont know what the fuck ta do for ya - Mike was once again staring at Wallys hand, his tears falling from his cheeks onto the cast -listen to me for Krists sake Mike, eh? ya listen to me this time???? Mike slowly raised his head and blinked his eyes, his expression so sorrowful Wally wanted to cry and just hug his brother - Does it hurt Wally, I mean did it, - Mike shrugged - hurt... real bad? Wally was smiling and shaking his head, Naw, naw, I dont feel nothin Mike. They fixed it up one, two, three and - Im sorry Wally, Jesus Krist Im sorry - agony ringing in his voice -I/ll break my own - grabbing his thumb - if thatll help, I - Wally grabbed his hand, No Mike, for Krists sake comeon, eh? Wally smiled and tried to look reassuringly at his brother who stared soulfully at him, I really did it Wally? Wally nodded, Yeah Mike. But its alright. I - I honest ta God did it? Wally nodded his head and gently touched his brother on the shoulder. Mike looked at Wallys hand, head shaking, then put his arms around Wally and hugged him and cried into his shoulder, the others shuffling awkwardly, some averting their eyes trying to ignore the scene, those who didnt know them assuming they were just a couple of maudlin drunks. Mike suddenly turned from his brother and started pounding the bar with his hand, I cant believe it, I cant fuckin believe it -the others stiffened until Mike stopped and just leaned over the bar, head hanging. Wally put an arm around his kid brothers shoulder, Why dont we go out an get some air? After a few seconds Mike raised his head, nodded, and continued to look at the floor as they left the bar, their friends automatically following.
    Mike sat on a car fender, Wally standing next to him. The others stretched. I forget what fresh airs like after a few hours in that joint.
    Yeah. Its the fuckin air conditioner.
    Yeah, it smokes too much. They all chuckled.
    Man, its some night, eh?
    Yeah, its really nice out.
    Why dont ya leave it out?
    Because I dont want anybody steppin on it - they started horsing around and Wally suggested they walk and put his hand on his brothers shoulder, Mike still looking at the ground, shaking his shoulders occasionally