Spin Control by Niki Burnham

to hold it in, but when I hear my own voice, I sound like I’m about to completely lose it. “That’s why she and my dad are getting divorced. My mom decided—or admitted to herself or however you want to describe it—that she’s gay, and announced over dinner one night that she didn’t want to stay married to my dad. That it wasn’t anything either of us haddone, and that nothing would change her mind, it’s just that she—and these were her exact words— needed to be true to herself , even though she knew it was going to be hard on me and Dad.”
    Instantly, Christie comes over to the window and gives me a hug. And then I can’t help it. The waterworks start, and I realize how hard it’s been not to be able to tell my friends-—hristie, most of all—what’s been going on with Mom and Dad.
    “That’s terrible, Valerie,” she says in a whisper, right next to my ear. “I never in a million years would have guessed. I’m so sorry.”
    For once, I don’t care that someone’s saying she’s sorry—probably because this time I know it’s heartfelt. And, of course, that thought makes me snarfle right into Christie’s shoulder. “She dumped my dad right in front of me, Christie. It was so awful. I mean, I was beyond blown away, but Dad … the look on his face scared me. It was like she’d died or something.”
    “Why didn’t you tell me, Val? It’s been weeks and weeks!”
    “I didn’t think you’d understand.Telling you guys about the divorce was bad enough. And I felt so stupid.” I’m totally blubbering now, though it’s a restrained kind of blubbering, since I don’t want Mom to hear any of this. I’m sure Christie thinks I’ve lost my mind, but I don’t care anymore.
    Christie lets me go because she’s getting teary too. She reaches over to the top of my desk and grabs a tissue. They look a little dusty, since no one’s been in the house for a month, but she shoves it toward me, anyway, then takes one for herself. “Why would you feel stupid?”
    “Because I didn’t know. I mean, I had no clue. How could I not know my own mother is a lesbian?”
    Geez, I hate how that word sounds coming out of my mouth—like I think being a lesbian is a horrid thing. In my gut, though, I don’t believe that. It is what it is, and I really do believe Mom when she says it’s just who she is—that this wasn’t a choice she made. But still.
    “I just—I didn’t even see the divorce coming, Christie. I actually thought my mother was kidding at first. Who ends atwenty-year marriage on a Wednesday night over Kraft Mac and Cheese?”
    “But she wasn’t kidding.”
    “Nope.” I snorf into the tissue. I’m sure I look like hell, especially in this nasty robe and with my hair all wet, but whatever. “I’m pretty sure she’d already hooked up with Gabrielle when she made her little announcement, because they had an apartment lined up within days. And then it was so hard telling you guys that my parents were getting divorced that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you what was really going on, that it was so much more than that, and—”
    “Val. Hey, Valerie.” Christie pegs me with a look, one that speaks volumes, letting me know she totally, completely gets it. She knows I’m dying inside, because my mother not only has this whole other existence I had no clue about and feelings toward other women I never could have predicted, but she also cheated on my dad. “It’s okay,” she tells me. “I mean, it’s not okay, but I’m on your side here. I just wish you’d felt like you could tell me.”
    “Me too.”
    “Oh, man!” Christie’s eyes get huge. “Your mom must think that I already know. And Jules and Natalie, too. That’s why she invited us all over.”
    I swallow really hard and try to wipe my face clean with the tissue. I so do not want Jules and Natalie to see me looking this way.
    “I didn’t even think about Gabrielle being here until you asked about her just now. I’m