Strapped: A Second Chance Mafia Romance by Emma Spring Page B

looking back.
    It isn’t until I’m outside, with the cool air brushing against my cheek, that I realize I don't know where to go. I’m not sure where he hangs out in New York these days... in fact, the only place I’ve ever really seen him out and about is in Jesters, so I decide to head there. At least I know if he isn’t there, Marissa will be so I won’t be alone. I get the impression that she’s there a lot , so as weird as it’ll be seeing that version of my old friend again, at least I won’t be alone.
    I tentatively push the door open and burst into coughs as the smoke begins to fill my lungs. It takes a few moments for my eyes to adjust, and only another couple of seconds to notice that his presence isn’t there.
    “Yay!” Marissa cries, drawing my attention over to where she’s practically slumped over the bar. “Olivia’s here.”
    “Oh hi, Marissa,” I reply weakly, suddenly realizing the implications of my actions. Now I’m going to have to hang out with her until he does... or more likely doesn’t... show up, and it’s going to be very uncomfortable, considering the varied paths our lives have taken. “How are you?”
    “Just trying to get buzzed,” she slurs. “Same as always. How about you?”
    “Erm... yeah,” I pause thoughtfully, wondering how wrong it would be of me to ask what happened to her, why she ended up in this way. “Something like that.”
    “It’s shit, isn’t it?” she cackles loudly. “Being a fucking grownup. I hate it, I can’t do it.”
    “Wh... why?” I ask anxiously. “I mean, yeah it is, but... why?”
    She turns to face me, and I can see the deadness of her eyes. She has totally switched off to the world, and that’s utterly heartbreaking. It takes all that I have not to burst into tears.
    “All that pressure... from my mom, do you remember?” There’s a hazy memory there of her complaining about her mom, but I’m ashamed to say that I was always too distracted by my love life to pay too much attention – what a shitty friend I was back then. “It was too much... and after all of it, it came to nothing. Do you remember exam results day?”
    “Erm, no. I wasn't in New York then. We moved, remember?” I feel empty and cold at her words, and I have to brush away a stray tear that falls down my cheek. I can’t help but feel partially responsible for her descent.
    “Oh right... well because I got Bs rather than As she went nuts in front of everyone, it was so embarrassing. Then she wouldn’t let me go to college so I wouldn’t let her down again... and it all kind of went to shit from there.”
    “Oh God,” I gasp in shock. “That’s just...”
    “But it doesn’t matter now,” she smiles once more. “I have my drink, I have my man, that’s all I need.” She lifts her glass to the awful man I saw her kissing before, and he returns the gesture, making me feel incredibly sick. “So all is good.”
    “Sorry I just...” I quickly reply, before racing off to the bathroom to allow myself to weep. I cry for the potential that everyone had, that they allowed to slide to one side. I mourn for the future that never became because of awful outside pressures. I wish that things had turned out another way entirely.
    “Hey,” I hear a guy yell from outside the bathroom door. At first I try to ignore it because the male and female toilets share a hallway, so it doesn’t have to mean anything, but then the guy’s tone turns angrier. “Oh, you fucking dick, get the fuck out here.”
    “...please, please, please...” whoever replies is almost in tears, which instantly has my danger alert on high. “I didn’t mean to, I can’t... I want to...”
    “I don't want to fucking speak to you in here. Marco is outside. He is the one you need to explain yourself to.”
    Marco... my Marco, it has to be.
    I move quickly as I hear their footsteps move, and without even glancing around the bar I follow them outside. My heart is thumping wildly, my brain