strongholdrising by Lisanne Norman Page B

moment exactly how his touch felt to her, whether he was being too rough. All that was gone now. Dread filled him as he wondered if he was afraid to pick up where they'd left off, afraid he was no longer able to be the lover he'd been before their Leska Link was gone. If he left it like this, he'd never know.

"I am willing," she said softly.

He turned back to her: she was his life-mate, the mother of their cub, the person who mattered most to him, the one he'd tried to protect from J'koshuk. His mind a confused jumble of fear and desire, he let her take the lead, almost afraid to touch her lest he miscalculate his strength again.

The way she ran her hands across his body, her fingers pushing through his pelt to find the skin beneath, brought back so many memories, as did the feel of her blunt teeth nipping their way so gently across his neck and chest.

More confident now, he encouraged her, trying not to think of what was lacking or to remember his last insane night on the Kz'adul with the Valtegan doctor. He wanted to forget it completely, as if it had never happened: he needed desperately to pair with her to wash away that memory. As they joined, he felt the brief touch of her mind against his before she remembered.

Fiery pain swept through him then was gone. Like the night with the doctor, in its wake, every sensation was heightened, but this time, because he hadn't triggered it, it was much shorter lived. Enough to bring him to the verge of climax, it left him poised there in limbo. What little self-control he'd been able to exert, vanished. Frustrated and impatient, his hands clenched round her hips as he tensed, readying himself for the initial pain he'd feel when he tried to reach mentally for her.

Then the jegget was there, her tiny clawed feet climbing across his shoulders and back, her insistent wet nose snuffling at his ear as she tried in her own way to join in. The shock of it was enough to tip him over the edge without the need for the pain.

     
    * * *
     
    He'd feigned sleep, waiting till Carrie slept before slipping from the bed and pulling on his robe. Silently he padded to the door and opened it. T'Chebbi sat outside, unsurprised to see him, or with his request. She remained silent as she escorted him up to the observation room. Huge and sullen, the nearby gas giant filled the viewport, bathing the room with its baleful, orange glow.

For several minutes, he stood there, looking out at it without seeing it. "How do you stand it?" he asked suddenly, looking round at her. "To feel nothing with your mind when you pair?"

"Telepaths are few. How should we know what you feel? What we have is good enough," she replied.

He made a sound of exasperation and turned away. "It's pointless when your mind isn't involved," he said at last. "It becomes nothing more than a physical release."

"What's wrong with that?" she asked, moving closer to him. "Many things are done only for pleasure and exercise, why not pairing?"

"If you believe that, why were you celibate until recently?" he countered. "You told me you were trained as a Consortia. Why'd you change your mind?"

"We weren't high-class qwenes," she said quietly. "Pleasing clients sexually was our choice, not theirs, you know that. Was trained to be a hostess, not work for a living, until the Fleet pack took me. You have your life, and your Triad, be grateful for that, Kusac, instead of angry at what you can't change."

"Without our Link, it's pointless, a— travesty— of what we had! I've a right to be angry!"

"Anger like this destroys you. You aren't the only one to lose something you value. Others deal with it, so must you. When we paired, you never had a problem."

"You don't understand. When you and I were together, I could sense something from you, but I could feel them— Carrie and Kaid. Now there's nothing at all! I'm trapped alone in my own head, unable to reach beyond myself, unable to sense anything from her!"

"It may come back in time, that's