Student of Kyme by Storm Constantine Page B

mind comfortably numb. I
must have fallen asleep, because I was brought to full
consciousness by Malakess shaking my shoulder. The fire had died
down and I held an empty glass in my hand, sticky with liqueur.
‘Wake up,’ Malakess said. ‘Huriel’s gone to bed. So should you…
soon.’
    I yawned
and sat up straight. ‘Why are you still here?’
    Malakess
hesitated, then said, ‘I wanted to talk to you.’
    ‘ About last night, I suppose.’ I sighed. ‘I
apologise.’
    ‘ You don’t have to,’ Malakess said. ‘What is it you want from
me, Gesaril? Honestly?’
    ‘ Nothing…’ I shook my head. ‘Well, perhaps it’s obvious. And
you think I look on you and see Ysobi. I told you that, once. It’s
not very flattering, I know, but it’s not the case now.’
    ‘ I don’t want to make your problems any worse.’
    ‘ Oh, I’m sick of my problems!’
    Again,
Malakess paused. ‘What are they exactly, anyway? Will you tell
me?’
    ‘ Well, apart from a swarm of emotional disaster areas, I have
a physical problem with soume.’
    ‘ Physical problem… what do you mean?’
    ‘ I think it’s physical. I’m not sure. Anyway, it hurts me and
sometimes causes damage.’
    ‘ You should see a physician.’
    ‘ I think it’s too late for that.’
    ‘ But you’re har. Your body should have repaired itself
fully.’
    ‘ Then maybe it’s not a real problem after all. I don’t know. I
had pelki committed on me when I was very young. It’s hardly
surprising that caused fallout, is it?’
    Malakess
shook his head. ‘No…’
    ‘ And yet despite this problem, I’ve spent most of my post
feybraiha life being what somehar in Jesith called a soume shrew. A
predator. And I have been. I don’t deny it. It was the only way I
could feel, I think, having hara want me, especially those who were
already chesna with somehar else. Then, when I’d got them hooked,
it always went wrong, for obvious reasons.’ I looked into
Malakess’s eyes. ‘I’ve changed a lot. I understand myself more, but
even so, that understanding doesn’t make the problem go
away.’
    ‘ How do you know that?’
    ‘ Well…’ Actually, I didn’t.
    ‘ I will try with you, Gesaril, if that’s what you still
want.’
    I stared
at him like an idiot for some moments. ‘What?’
    ‘ We must have an understanding,’ he said. ‘I don’t want you
being hurt, in an emotional sense.’
    This was
too much to take in, and totally unexpected. I didn’t know how to
react. Was Haruah’s magic so strong? ‘I don’t know what to say.’
Despite that, I reached out and took one of his hands, held on to
it as if I was drowning and he was the lifeline to land. Twice I’d
felt this way with him. He let me crush his fingers for a short
time, which must have hurt, then drew me to him. We shared breath
for several minutes, azure skies yawning in my head. It was like
flying. I remembered the first time I’d shared breath with Ysobi,
how I’d felt I was in a scarlet and black temple, and I was the
altar there. By that time, we’d taken aruna together many
times.
    Malakess
drew away from me, kissed my brow. ‘Let’s go upstairs.’
    I felt so
nervous and tense I could barely walk. This was what I wanted,
wasn’t it? Or did I just want the chase again, the longing in a
har’s eyes?
    I took
Malakess to my room. It occurred to me that Huriel had spoken to
him about me, and that was why he’d sloped off to bed to leave us
alone. Maybe now, he lay awake, listening for sounds. Malakess and
I undressed in silence, and all the while I kept getting flashbacks
to Jesith. It wasn’t pleasant. I remembered the phylarch’s house,
Ysobi coming to me there in the night, when were supposed not to
see each other. I could smell the fragrance of his hair.
    I sat
down on the bed and put my face in my hands. I was not simply
haunted, I must be possessed. Malakess came to me, squatted before
me and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘Gesaril?’
    ‘ I want to forget, but I