Swansea Summer by Catrin Collier

the thought of Esme saying things about the girl he loved more than any other person in the world; horrible, evil things that would blacken her character and cheapen a relationship that was everything to him. He could almost hear Esme whispering the words ‘Gold-digging little tramp’, ‘Dirty old man’ and he couldn’t take that – not for himself, Joe, Helen – and especially Katie. He steeled himself.
    ‘I won’t have your name brought up in the divorce court. You’ve no idea how awful that would be.’
    ‘I wouldn’t care.’
    ‘I want you to be free.’
    ‘But I am free,’ she insisted. ‘Free to make up my own mind.’
    ‘Not while we stay behind here a couple of evenings a week.’
    Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘You don’t want to make love to me any more.’
    Concerned she’d read something in his eyes that he didn’t want her to see, John left the chair and went to the window. An image came to mind of Katie and Sam, as they had been earlier, bending their heads so they almost touched, laughing together over the ridiculous plastic spider. He took a deep breath and forced himself to face her. ‘I’ve been selfish but I can’t go on feeling as though I’m stealing your youth. I want you to live your own life and grasp every opportunity that comes your way without having to think about me.’
    ‘And if I don’t agree?’
    ‘This is the last time I’ll see you – privately. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you but I simply can’t go on using you.’
    ‘Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?’ She gazed intently at him.
    ‘No.’
    ‘Is this for ever’ – even her voice trembled – ‘or only until your divorce?’
    ‘Who knows how you’ll feel by then.’
    ‘I know and nothing will have changed for me. I’ll still love you.’
    ‘We’ll talk again then.’
    ‘And in the meantime?’
    ‘We’ll see one another here.’
    ‘But not like this.’
    ‘Not alone like this, no, Katie. It wouldn’t be fair on you.’ He continued to face her. It would have been easier if she’d argued, ranted and raved, anything except stared at him through wounded, anguished eyes. ‘But nothing will change here. I meant it when I said you’re the best secretary I’ve ever had. We’ll carry on working together. You will be here on Monday morning?’ he asked, concerned by her silence.
    ‘The girls will be waiting.’
    ‘Katie …’
    ‘I wish you’d change your mind.’
    ‘I won’t.’
    She looked at him for a moment, then ran from the office.

Chapter Four
    Ten minutes after Katie left the office John walked out on to the staircase that connected the warehouse floors. He looked down and saw her standing outside the changing cubicles with Lily and Judy. Lily was wearing one of the dresses from the new spring range. Smiling, she flicked through the dresses Judy had chosen to try on as she chatted to Katie who had her back turned to him. He didn’t need to see Katie’s face to know she was miserable. He could sense the depth of her distress from the way her shoulders were hunched and it devastated him to know that he had caused it, but he had to free her so she would be safe from Esme’s malicious tongue – and him. A beautiful young girl like her had no business being tied to an ugly cripple, twenty years older than her.
    Katie believed she loved him, but common sense told him it was only because he’d been the first man to show her kindness, and he bitterly regretted allowing that kindness and her gratitude to lead to anything more. He should have remembered her vulnerability and the years between them. But there was no turning the clock back and undoing what had been done.
    Katie might be unhappy now but she would soon forget him once she spent more time in the company of young, good-looking boys like Sam Davies. And Lily and Martin would see to it that she did. Better it should happen now, before she tied herself to him permanently. Because he wouldn’t be able to