The Book of Matthew (The Alex Chronicles Book 1) by K.T. Doyle Page B

want him to lose momentum, and I wanted him to keep talking.
    “Okay,” I said. “Go on.”
    “Christine decided to work instead of go to college. I didn’t want her to think I was ditching her by going away to school. So I bought her a ring and when she came with my parents to help me move in, I made her a promise that I’d marry her after I graduated.”
    “Romantic,” I said.
    “I spent four years of my life with her, and she wound up cheating on me with someone else. I hadn’t been in here since, well, you know, that night with you.” He turned his back and walked a few steps, running a hand through his hair.
    I got the sense he was done talking. But he hadn’t said anything about our relationship. What about us? That had been my original question upstairs in the practice room. What’s going on with us?
    “And?” I said.
    He turned to face me. “That’s it.”
    “That’s it?”
    “Yeah.”
    “That’s what you’ve been hiding? That’s your secret, your truth?”
    He shrugged. “I guess so.”
    “So you’re saying you’re still crazy for a stupid girl who cheated on you?”
    Matt rushed toward me until he was nearly in my face. “What I’m saying is…” He exhaled forcefully and locked eyes with me. “I’m crazy for you !”
    My blood ran hot and my extremities turned cold. My stomach churned. I felt that familiar tingle in my lower abdomen.
    “That’s my secret,” Matt said. “Are you happy now?”
    I was seeing clearly for the first time, in the space where one relationship had ended and another one began.
    I should have thrown my arms around him and kissed him. I should have apologized. I should have thanked him. I should have done so many things.
    Instead, I puked on his shoes.
     
    …
     
    Moments later we were back where we started. We sat on the floor face to face in the practice room. I fingered a strand of my hair. My guitar sat several feet away. He plucked at the strings of his.
    “Sorry about your shoes,” I said.
    He stopped momentarily to give me a crooked smile, that same look that always seemed to bring calm to the emotions roiled up inside me. He lowered his head and continued plucking away. “No problem.”
    “Why didn’t you tell me about Christine? Or that you liked me?”
    “This isn’t easy for me.” He plucked a string with his thumb hard and loud. “I wasn’t expecting…” He trailed off.
    “What?”
    “I wasn’t expecting to meet you. Not so soon after Christine.”
    “It’s been four months, Matt.”
    “I know. But I was gonna marry that girl. Have a big Catholic wedding and everything.” He plucked another string.
    “You’re Catholic?” I asked.
    “No, she is.”
    “Really?”
    “Yeah. Why?”
    “No reason,” I said. “So what are you?”
    “What am I?”
    “Religiously, I mean.”
    “Nothing,” Matt said. “I’m nothing.”
    “What do you believe?”
    “I don’t know what I believe anymore.” He stared at his guitar. “I thought I had my life all figured out.”
    “Tell me about it.”
    “Then Christine walked out, and I had to get used to being alone. And just when I got used to being alone you came along.”
    “Sorry?” I said.
    Matt shrugged. “I still think about her sometimes. It’s hard to wipe the slate clean, you know?”
    “I know.”
    And I did know. Boy, how I knew. His situation with Christine reminded me of my situation with Bobby. Just when you think you know someone, just when you think you’ve got it all figured out…they drop a bomb and it changes your life.
    “I’m here for you,” I said.
    He smirked and set his guitar aside. “All right.”
    With one quick movement he was on me.
     
    II.
     
    I lost my virginity at seventeen to a pizza delivery boy. His bedroom smelled like a damp basement and in the middle of doing the deed I remember debating with myself which was more disgusting: the wretched stench of his messy bedroom or the greasy feel of his dirty flesh.
    The kid who popped my