The Comet Seekers: A Novel by Helen Sedgwick Page B

though his eyes are closed. He imagines himself as a younger man, a teenager, understanding for the first time what certain words mean; amo, amas, amat, he whispers.
    What?
    He doesn’t reply. He thinks about asking her to stop.
    When he opens his eyes he finds himself by the riverbank; he doesn’t remember how he got here, only that he had walked through the dark in search of something that he couldn’t find. And there beside him, Rachel’s face is of concern, an earnest desire to help.
    Liam, are you OK?
    He almost laughs at the absurdity of the question: of course he is not OK. He stopped halfway through; mumbled that he couldn’t focus, that he needed to go and see the river – the real question is what’s she still doing here?
    Maybe I could help, she says. If you tell me . . .
    He just wants it to stop. Wants her sweet, genuine eyes to turn to frustration, her bare legs to walk away – he’s not sure what happened to her tights, but her legs are now bare beneath her pleated skirt, which stirs a memory in his mind.
    Your skirt, he says, and she smiles, not expecting a compliment but taking it as one anyway.
    This is a man she would quite like to save from his demons. She’s not sure what they are yet, but even at school, as teenagers, she could tell there was something. Why don’t we sit down here, she says, by the river.
    He does as he is told; feels a step closer to Róisín and feels an emotion he had forgotten.
    I’m surprised you’re still here, he says.
    She reaches in for a kiss then gives him a smile.
    Sure and we can take all the time you need, she says.
    He feels ashamed; thinks of another time, another body. Undoes her skirt.

    THE OTHERS FOLLOW RÓISÍN AND Sam outside; they are not alone, they are all on the hillside looking out at the sky, looking down at the city.
    Sam whispers something in her ear. She doesn’t catch the words.
    There is laughter behind them, another bottle opened.
    I want to be barefoot! someone cries, finding themselves hilarious. I want to feel the mud between my toes!
    Over here, Sam whispers, leading her away. Beyond the crest of the hill there’s a view down to the river, away from the lights of the city. She likes the fact that it’s too dark to see his smile. Liam didn’t smile all the time; there was something serious in his eyes. Something that made her need more.
    Sam is sitting down, pulling her down too.
    Come here, gorgeous.
    She cringes; imagines a different man, a different moment. She’s not even sure why she’s doing it, but she doesn’t really have the energy to stop.
    He’s laughing now; his eyes are aglow with a perceived danger, a sense that they are doing something forbidden. Róisín wonders if her heart should be racing, if she should be looking over her shoulder to check that they are alone, if her breaths should mirror the risk they are taking, but instead she closes her eyes and imagines herself in a childhood hut with no notion of danger, with no sense that they could be discovered. For her, exhilaration comes from something else; it’s nothing to do with love being forbidden.
    She finds she is crying, and is so embarrassed she has to pretend she’s had an overwhelmingly good time.
    I didn’t hurt you, did I? he asks.
    It’s so ludicrous her tears are masked by laughter.
    Of course not, she smiles, giggles. It was grand.
    In a quieter moment, later, she’ll remember the sound of that fake laughter and feel ashamed. But, for now, she doesn’t have time to reflect on it because the others are shouting. Someone’s realised what the hour is. Another fragment is about to collide.
    It’s time, now—
    Come on—
    What were you two—
    Quick—
    They all run back into the observatory, drunk enough to feel like they are about to witness something extraordinary, to believe that something extraordinary can be experienced together.
    Comet Shoemaker–Levy 9 has a spectacular death as it splits and fractures and splits again and one by one the