The Good, the Bad and the Unready by Robert Easton Page B

covered enclosure, where his armour could not withstand a torrent of blows from battleaxes.
    Alfonso the Fierce
    Alfonso IV, king of Portugal, 1291–1357
    Alfonso may have been fierce and brave (several chroniclers refer to him as ‘Afonso o Bravo’), but his reign was marked by austerity rather than ferocity. The son of Denis the FARMER ( see NOBLE PROFESSIONS ), Alfonso continued where his father had left off in strengthening royal authority and promoting justice, but numerous internal revolts and the devastating impact of the Black Death, which claimed at least a third of Portugal’s population, left a country weakened and politically unstable. Alfonso deemed it necessary to use severe methods to quash domesticdissent, and it is from these actions that he probably earned his nickname.
    Another origin of the name could be the manner in which he treated Ines de Castro, the mistress of Peter the CRUEL , his son and heir. Ines was a Galician and, concerned that her brothers would direct the affairs of Portugal rather than his son, Alfonso went to her estate in early 1355 to talk to her and assess the situation. After a seemingly amicable interview he rode nonchalantly away, while a couple of his hired hands stayed behind and murdered her.
    James the Fiery Face
    James II, king of Scotland, 1430–60
    As his nickname implies, the most obvious thing about James was his disfigurement, and in Francois Villon’s Ballade the left half of his face is described as ‘the colour of an amethyst from the forehead to the chin’. No poetic licence was in operation here: a contemporary drawing provides visual evidence to support the French lyric poet’s claim.
    James was fiery in appearance and fiery by nature. An uneasy truce with the powerful Douglas family ended when James stabbed William, the eighth earl, to death and demolished the clan’s castles. Then, with Scotland mostly under his sway, he turned his attention to England, but died while laying siege to Roxburgh Castle.
    Ptolemy the Flute Player see PTOLEMAIC KINGS
    Lulach the Fool Lulach, king of Scotland, c.1031–58
    When Macbeth was cut down by the forces of Malcolm BIGHEAD , Lulach, Macbeth’s stepson, found himself king. By styling him‘the Fool’ or ‘the Simpleton’ chroniclers suggest that he was not up to the task at all. His entire sorry reign was spent battling with Malcolm BIGHEAD , and he was killed in an ambush in Strathbogie some four months after his coronation.
    Louis the Foreigner
    Louis IV, king of France, 921–54
    When his father ‘Charles the Simple’ was deposed from the French throne, Louis’s mother Eadgifu whisked Louis off to England where he grew up in the court of Athelstan the GLORIOUS . After thirteen quiet years away from France, for which he was dubbed ‘the Foreigner’ or ‘d’Outremer’, Louis returned home to a torrid battle for supremacy, not least with the forces of such luminaries as ‘Otto the Great’ and ‘Hugh the Great’ ( see GREAT… BUT NOT THAT GREAT ).
    Sven Forkbeard
    Sven I, king of Denmark and England, c.960–1014
    With an imposing hairstyle to match his imposing North Sea empire, Sven, the son of Harald BLUETOOTH , instigated a mass of incursions against England. The onslaught then intensified when Ethelred the UNREADY ordered the killing of every Dane living in England, in what has come to be known as the St Brice’s Day Massacre of 1002. Some scholars think that Sven’s sister Gunhilda was one of the victims.
    Battered by successive punitive expeditions and ineptly governed, England was ripe for conquest, and on Christmas Day 1013 Sven was pronounced her king. He didn’t live long to wallow in royal glory, however. Just six weeks later the great Viking warrior toppled from his horse and died.
      Manuel the Fortunate
    Manuel I, king of Portugal, 1469–1521
    As the ninth child of Fernando, the brother of ‘Alfonso the African’, Manuel was fortunate to have reigned at all, but due to some marriages