The Kindness of Women by J. G. Ballard Page A

the waiter’s broom. Olga’s free hand had slipped under my jacket and was pressed against my abdomen. She was hesitating, as if aware that she might find herself cast again as my governess, reminded of her parents’ penury in their prewar tenement and the boring hours she had spent looking after this little English boy with his cycle and freewheeling imagination.
    From the hollows of Olga’s neck and the enlarged veins in the skin of her breasts I guessed that she had eaten as little as I had in the past three years. I put my arm around her waist, suddenly liking this tough young woman with her rackety ideas. Only the first-class private at the railway station had looked at me so intently. I wanted to tell Olga about the dead Chinese, but already the lost Japanese patrol was moving into the rear of my mind.
    â€œAre you going back to England, James?”
    â€œAfter Christmas—I’m sailing on the Arrawa with my mother.” This troopship, a former refrigerated meat carrier, would repatriate the British nationals in Shanghai. “My father’s staying on here.”
    â€œHe’ll stay? That’s good. I’ll talk to him about my restaurant. Will you study in England?”
    â€œIf I have to.” On an impulse, I said: “I’m going to be a doctor.”
    â€œA doctor? That’s very good. When I’m sick you can look after me. It’s your turn now.”
    As I left, promising to mention her to my father, Olga said: “Now you can play hide-and-seek in the whole world.”
    *   *   *
    A week after Christmas I left Shanghai forever. Some six hundred former internees, mostly women and children, sailed for England in the converted meat carrier. My father and the other Britons staying behind in Shanghai stood on the pier at Hongkew, waving to us as the Arrawa drew away from them across the slow brown tide. When we reached the middle of the channel, working our way through scores of American destroyers and landing craft, I left my mother and walked to the stern of the ship. The relatives on the pier were still waving to us, and my father saw me and raised his arm, but I found it impossible to wave back to him, something I regretted for many years. Perhaps I blamed him for sending me away from this mysterious and exhilarating city.
    When the last of the banks and hotels faded into the clouds above the Bund I carried my suitcase to one of the men’s mess rooms. At night we slung our hammocks across the open decks where the refrigerated carcases of New Zealand meat had hung. In the darkness the hundreds of sleeping bodies swayed together like sides of lamb packed in canvas.
    After our evening meal I returned to the stern rail, almost alone on the deck as the Arrawa neared the entrance to the Yangtze. Shanghai had vanished, a dream city that had decided to close itself to the world. The rice fields and villages of the estuary stretched to the horizon, with only the sea to separate them from the nearest landfall at Nagasaki.
    The Arrawa paused at Woosung, readying itself to join the great tide of the Yangtze as it flowed into the China Sea. As we waited on the swell, edging closer to the eastern bank of the Whangpoo, we drifted past a large American landing craft beached on the shore. A tank-landing vessel scarcely smaller than the Arrawa, its flat prow lay high on the streaming mud-flat, as if it had been deliberately beached on this isolated coast. The Arrawa was in no danger of striking the craft, but a signal lamp flashed from its bridge. American military police patrolled its decks, their weapons levelled as they waved us away.
    A fetid stench floated on the air, as if vented from an exposed sewer filled with blood. Leaning from the stern rail, I saw that the hold of the landing craft was filled with hundreds of Japanese soldiers. They sat packed together in rows, knees pressed against each other’s backs. All were in a bad way, and many