The Making of Matt by Nicola Haken Page B

freaked the fuck out.”
    Sawyer blew through closed lips, clearly as bewildered as I was. “Right, let’s get back to right before you kissed him. What were you doing?”
    “Laundry.”
    “Laundry? You were doing laundry? ”
    “Yes, I was doing laundry.” I huffed, growing frustrated. “Now can we get back to the real issue here?”
    “Sorry but you have to admit that’s almost as shocking as you kissing a dude.” Thankfully my death glare appeared to convey my growing impatience because Sawyer quickly got back to the more pressing subject. “So I’m guessing Alex was with you?”
    “Without going off topic again, we all know I’d never used a fucking washing machine in my life. Alex was helping me.”
    “And…you were so grateful you decided to thank him with a kiss?”
    “Sawyer please, will you take this fucking seriously?”
    “I am. I promise I am,” Sawyer said, surrendering his palms. “I’m just trying to work out why you did it.”
    “Because I wanted to. Because he was so close and it was all I could think about. Because the feel of his hands on my waist gave me an erection bigger than the Empire State Building.”
    “Whoa, Matt. This has to have been building for some time. There’s no way that was a spur of the moment thing.”
    “You know who I think started it? My mom.”
    “You’re gonna have to explain that one to me,” Sawyer said, cocking one eyebrow as he relaxed further into the couch, spreading his arms out along the back cushions.
    “It’s something she said a few weeks before she died.”
    “So…your mom knew?”
    “No.” I shook my head, propping my legs up on the desk in front of me. “Not about Alex, just about love. She told me all these things about knowing when you’ve found ‘the one’,” I told him, air quoting with my fingers. “And the more I thought about it, the more I realized she could’ve been describing Alex. Honestly, I just thought that’s what having a best friend felt like. I’ve never really had one before so-”
    “Gee, thanks, dude,” Sawyer interrupted, sarcasm lacing his tone.
    “You and the rest of the guys are my family. You know that. Don’t twist my words.”
    “I’m just pulling your pisser, man.”
    “Well don’t.” I sighed, tipping my head back. “And then there’s that whole obsession I had with his eyes.”
    “Matt, are you telling me you think you’re in love with Alex?”
    “ No! Yeah…fuck I don’t know. I can’t be, right?”
    “If you’d asked me an hour ago I’d have said ‘don’t be so fucking ridiculous’, but after listening to you, fuck I really don’t know. Answer me this, you said he touched your dick and you freaked. Why, if you kissed him first?”
    “Because I almost came right there in my fucking sweatpants and it scared the shit outta me. It made me question everything I’ve ever known. I mean come on, you can’t just turn gay, right?”
    Just saying it out loud sounded fucking ludicrous.
    “You’ve lived an extraordinary life, Matt. Maybe it’s something that’s always been there but never had an opportunity to come out.”
    “I’ve met plenty of guys, Saw. Never once have I been attracted to a single one of ‘em.”
    “Have you ever had your dick out of a woman long enough to actually get to know a guy before though?”
    “Touché.” I laughed, not just at Sawyer’s comment but at the whole situation I found myself in. “This is all Jake’s fault, you know.”
    “And how the hell do you figure that?”
    “Because everything was fine before he came on the scene. We were happy living for the music and women, and then he shows up with all his fucking gayness and passes it on to you. Then, like the pair of you were some kind of butt bandit magnets, Ryder comes along. Then like the gift that keeps on giving the gayitis spreads and suddenly life is all gay porn, gay clubs and gay fucking underwear. It’s gayness overload, dude! I’m fucking telling you that shit is