The Mammy by Brendan O'Carroll Page A

hospital visits first things come first. Then Marion pointed to each patient in the ward and described their illnesses in detail, what their visitors were like and what their bad habits were. It seemed that everyone else in the ward, except Marion of course, was a little bit mentally disturbed. Agnes was not surprised that after only a few hours in the ward, Marion had already gathered full case histories on her ward mates. That was Marion. Eventually the conversation turned to Marion’s case again.
    ‘Marion ...’ Agnes began hesitantly.
    ‘What?’ Marion knew there was a hard question coming.
    ‘What did they do to yeh?’
    ‘Oh now,’ began Marion with authority, as if she had that day begun medical school rather than been a patient. ‘They done a lumpectomy and a cervical by-hopicy. Then they test them bits, and they find out what’s wrong with me!’
    Agnes was leaning with one elbow on the bed and her hand tucked under her chin, marvelling at Marion’s grasp of the medical details.
    ‘Well, you look marvellous, Marion, really marvellous. I think they cured yeh!’
    ‘Ah no, they haven’t even started yet. These are just tests to find out what’s wrong with me, then they’ll cure me.’
    ‘Ooh! I see!’ Agnes answered.
    Suddenly Marion leaned towards Agnes and spoke in a half-whisper. ‘Do yeh know what they done to me?’
    Agnes pulled her chair even closer to the bed. ‘What?’
    ‘They shaved me!’
    Agnes sat back a little and stared at Marion’s face. The hairs were still on the moles so they hadn’t shaved her chin. Agnes was puzzled. ‘They shaved yeh! Where?’
    Marion glanced around the ward, coughed and patted herself just below the stomach, at the same time tilting her head sideways.
    For a moment Agnes still looked puzzled. Then a look of realisation came across her face. ‘What? DOWN THERE!’ Agnes yelped.
    A few visitors’ heads turned towards Marion’s bed and some of the patients leaned forward to see what was going on. Marion’s face turned crimson. She nodded politely, smiled at all and sundry, and then through her teeth to Agnes she said, ‘Agnes, for fuck’s sake!’
    ‘Oh! I’m sorry, Marion.’ She added in a lower tone, ‘I don’t believe yeh.’
    Marion just nodded her head in an exaggerated fashion and said, ‘Yep! Shaved me they did! Baldy!’
    ‘Say yeh swear.’
    ‘I swear.’
    ‘Well, my God!’ Agnes was open-mouthed.
    Now both women glanced around the ward as if expecting spies. For a few moments nothing was said, then Agnes prodded Marion in the side and said, ‘Marion, give us a look!’
    ‘I certainly will not!’
    ‘Ah, go on! Give us a look!’
    ‘NO!’
    ‘Marion Monks. I’m your friend. Now, give us a look.’
    Marion glanced around the ward. ‘Pull around the curtain,’ she said.
    With a swish the curtain went swiftly around the bed so the other visitors could see nothing. But they could hear, and what they heard was Agnes’s voice as she exclaimed: ‘Ooh! Oh my God! D’yeh know what, Marion? It suits yeh!‘ And the two women howled with laughter.
    Agnes left the hospital in an even happier mood than when she had entered it. Marion was in good spirits. She seemed to be well and there didn’t seem to be anything to worry about on that front. With a pep in her step, Agnes Browne was going home to her newly-decorated room, where she would make herself a cup of tea and listen to the sweet sound of her children sleeping.

Chapter 12
     
    AGNES WAITED IN THE EARLY-MORNING SUNSHINE by her stall for Cathy to arrive and collect her lunch. She was in a daze. She stared over at Marion’s empty stall space with a heavy heart. It was a week now since Marion had gone into hospital, and she still was not back.
    It had been late, after twelve the previous night when Agnes finally left Marion’s place for home. Tommo had walked Agnes back to her flat in Larkin Court. Agnes thought nothing of Tommo’s offer to walk her home. Little did she know he