The Most Beautiful Woman in Town by Charles Bukowski Page B

was able to do.
    Elephant Legs Bukowski, the social failure.
    I finished off the bottle and decided I needed some sleep. I wound up the alarm clock and crawled in with Linda. she awakened and began rubbing up against me. “oh shit, oh shit,” she said, “I don’t know what’s the matter with me!”
    â€œwhatza matta, baby? you sick? you want me to call the General Hospital?”
    â€œoh no, shit, I’m just HOT! HOT! I’M SO HOT!”
    â€œwhat?”
    â€œI said, I’m burning up hot! FUCK ME!”
    â€œLinda.. .”
    â€œwhat? what?”
    â€œI’m so tired. no sleep for two nights. that long walk to the Labor Market and back, 32 blocks in the hot sun … useless. no job. fucking-ass tired.”
    â€œI’ll HELP you!”
    â€œwhatcha mean?”
    she crawled halfway down the couch and began licking at my penis. I groaned in weariness. “honey, 32 blocks in the hot sun . .. I’m burned out.”
    she kept working. she had a sandpaper tongue and knew what to do with it.
    â€œhoney,” I told her, “I’m a social zero! I don’t deserve you! please relent!”
    like I say, she was good. some can, some can’t. most just know the old-time headbob. Linda began with the penis, left off, went to the balls, then off the balls, back to the penis again, barberpole, a wonderful amount of energy, ALWAYS LEAVING THE HEAD OF THE COCK, ITSELF. UNTOUCHED. Finally she had me moaning to the ceiling telling her all various sorts of lies about what I would do for her when I finally got my ass straightened out and stopped being a bum.
    then she came and took the head, put her mouth about a third of the way down, gave this little nip-suck of tooth pressure on, the wolf-nip and I came AGAIN — which made four times that night and I was completely done. some women know more than medical science.
    when I awakened they were all up and dressed — looking good — Linda, Jeanie and Eve. they poked at me under the covers, laughing. “hey, Hank, we’re going down to look for a live one! and we need an eye opener! we’ll be down at Tommi-Hi’s!”
    â€œo.k., o.k., goodbye!”
    they all left, wiggling ass out the door.
    all Mankind was doomed forever.
    I was just about asleep when the extension phone rang.
    â€œYeah?”
    â€œMr. Bukowski?”
    â€œyeah?”
    â€œI saw those women! they came from your room!”
    â€œhow do you know? you have 8 floors and about ten or twelve rooms to a floor.”
    â€œI know all my roomers, Mr. Bukowski! we have all respectable working people here!”
    â€œyeah?”
    â€œyes, Mr. Bukowski, I’ve been running this place for twenty years and never, never have I seen such goings on as at your place! we’ve always had respectable people’here, Mr. Bukowski.”
    â€œyes, they’re so respectable that every two weeks some son of a bitch climbs up onto the roof and takes a header straight into your cement entranceway between those phony potted plants.”
    â€œyou’ve got until noon to get out, Mr. Bukowski!”
    â€œwhat time is it now?”
    â€œ8 a.m.”
    â€œthank you.”
    I hung up. found an alka-seltzer. drank it out of a dirty glass. then found a touch of wine. I opened the curtains and looked out at the sun. it was a hard world, no news there, but I hated skidrow. I like little rooms, little places to make some kind of fight from. a woman. a drink. but no day by day job. I couldn’t put it together. I was not clever enough. I thought of jumping out the window but couldn’t do it. I got dressed and went down to Tommi-Hi’s. the girls were laughing down at the end of the bar with two guys. Marty the bartender knew me. I waved him off. no money. I sat there.
    a scotch and water arrived in front of me. a note.
    â€œmeet me at the Roach Hotel, room 12, at midnight. I’ll have the room for us.
    love,