The Mystery of the Song Dynasty Painting by Adeline Yen Mah Page B

Without thinking, I climb onto the barge, sit down next to him, take off my shoes and dangle my bare feet in the river. The cool water feels delicious against my skin as I wriggle my toes. Neither of us says anything for a while. A million thoughts race through my mind.
    ‘Why are the toes in your right foot so crooked?’ His question makes me jump. Instinctively, I bend my foot back to hide my ugly toes.
    ‘Did you have an accident?’ he persists.
    ‘No, I did not.’
    ‘Are your crooked toes the reason why you wouldn’t play cu ju just now?’
    ‘How did you know?’
    ‘I know, that’s all…’
    There’s a long silence. Then I say, ‘Can you and I truly be friends?’
    ‘Not if you don’t tell me anything about yourself. Besides, are you sure you want to be friends with someone like me? A servant?’
    ‘Yes! You’re the smartest person I know.’
    ‘Friends don’t have secrets from one another.’
    ‘I agree… but there’s a lot I don’t know about you.’
    ‘That’s because there’s nothing to tell.’
    ‘Oh sorry – what was that about friends not having secrets…?’
    ‘I’m serious. What is there to tell? I’m an orphan. My father was a barbarian who couldn’t read or write. My mother died the same day I was born.’
    ‘Where are you from?’
    ‘You mean, where am I really from. My father’s parents were Jews. My grandfather’s name used to be Levy, but he changed it to Li after they moved here. When he was a little boy, my father travelled across the desert with my grandparents, to come to China. He used to tell me about the vastness of the desert… the sand dunes stretching on and on as far as the eye could see… the searing sun during the day and the black, freezing nights… the miraculous sunsets and fantastic sunrises… the terrifying forays into the nothingness to search for water… the endless silence… They came from a foreign country far away to the west, tian xia zhi bian yuan (at the edge of civilization). My grandparents disowned my father after he married my Chinese mother. Throughout his life, my father felt that he didn’t belong here… or anywhere. Sometimes, I feel that I need to search for the places where my father lived before he came to China. I have this strong desire to travel, to retrieve my lost heritage.’
    ‘What did your Baba do?’
    ‘He was a labourer… a carpenter and stone-cutter. After my Mama died, my Baba was alone in a strange land. He found it difficult to get work, and over the years he got depressed and angry. He used to gamble what money he had. Just before he died, he placed huge bets on a cricket he believed in. At first it won, but eventually it lost. Baba accused his opponent of cheating. They fought and my Baba was stabbed to death.’
    I try to imagine what it would be like to have no parents, but I can’t. I feel a deep sadness for Ah Zhao as I realize how alone he is.
    ‘Why have you never told me all this before?’
    ‘You’ve never asked. To you, and the rest of your family, I’m not even a regular person, let alone a friend. I’m merely the barbarian hedge-clipper and tree-trimmer. I am, and will always be, a wai ren (outsider).’
    ‘That’s not true! You and I have become friends, and now you won’t be alone any more.’
    ‘All right, friend! It’s your turn now to share. Tell me how your toes got broken.’
    I close my eyes and fight the feeling of nausea that always comes when I think about that day.
    ‘My Niang… my Niang…’
    Tears come to my eyes, and I look down and try to control myself.
    Ah Zhao leans over and looks into my face. ‘I’m sorry – I didn’t want to upset you. Don’t tell me any more if you’d rather not.’
    After a while, the sickness goes and I find that I do want to talk about that terrible day, long ago. I take a deep breath and begin.

12
    Mei Lan’s Confession
    ‘Since I was a toddler, and for as long as I can remember,’ I tell Ah Zhao, ‘I’d heard Niang speaking