The Royal Nanny by Karen Harper Page A

helped make Lady Mary the fine lass she is, and little Harry’s so young, he’dadapt. You’ve served Their Graces well these last four years, but don’t you want a life of your own, children of your own?”
    I was so stunned that I just stared at him. I sensed what was coming, but it could not be. Oh, yes, I longed for a family of my own and, God knows, I cared for him, but he knew I couldn’t leave the children and marry him . . . didn’t he? Doing both would never work, wouldn’t be allowed. I had thought that was unspoken between us. I’d even told him my parents needed the small amount of money I sent them twice a year.
    â€œCharlotte, tell me you’ll think about it when they’re away. Chad and Charlotte Reaver—sounds right, doesn’t it? Mayhap for a while, before we have our own family, you could still work at Sandringham House or York Cottage, with the new head nurse in some way, and—”
    â€œWait . . . wait. I— This is all too fast. I’ve only met your father once, and you’ve never met mine—my family. And, I— You know I can’t . . . we can’t! The children still need me.”
    â€œBut we’re not children, my love. I’m twenty-six, and you soon will be too. Getting on, both of us, and you’d be such a good mother. I said, don’t you want children of your own?”
    â€œYes, yes, I would love that, but I have them in a way. I couldn’t just leave, even to live elsewhere on the estate. I’ve promised to tend them—duty, as I said.”
    â€œIt’s that new, handsome footman Finch, isn’t it?” he demanded, dropping my hands. “Better taught, proper ways, more to your liking.”
    â€œNo, it isn’t Finch. I’d be out of there on my ear if I took up with one of the staff.”
    â€œOh, I don’t know. The duke and duchess think the world of you, and you told me you thought Finch and you could work together.”
    â€œYes, I hope so, but I didn’t mean aught else by it. I said the children still need me, Finch or not, and however much the duchess doesn’t like childbearing, there may be others to come.”
    â€œAre you afraid to have children of your own, because it’s been hard for her and she detests birthing?”
    â€œNo, no, it isn’t that. It’s just that—”
    â€œDuty is fine, but you are throwing your life away on children that are not yours, when you could have your own . . . with me!”
    Tears blinded me. I swiped away a sheen of them from my cheeks when I hadn’t realized I was crying. “Please understand, Chad. My whole life has led up to—”
    â€œTo leading me on! To want you. To hope for you. You’ll regret this.”
    â€œOf course, I’ll regret it, but I didn’t mean to lead you on. You know your position—and you know mine.”
    â€œDamn it, you’re choosing wealthy, coddled children—who have all the benefits in the world already—over me and the children we could have!”
    â€œNo, I’m choosing them over myself! Over what I want, would love to do, to be your wife and bear your babies. I must choose the children, at least for now, for today with all they’ve been through and have yet to face with their father the way he is. He’s going to put braces on Bertie and force him to write right-handed. David has problems, and Mary would be so alone without me. Can’t we talk about this tomorrow, and—”
    â€œThere won’t be a tomorrow for us. What about all I’ve been through, waiting, biding my time, curse it . . . and curse you!”
    He seized my shoulder in an iron grip and shook me once. “Charlotte Bill, one more time. Here’s my asking you to wed with me. I love you, have since I first laid eyes on you, standing on the Wolferton railway platform, looking round for me to fetch you.That’s what I meant