The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya by Nagaru Tanigawa Page A

principle of dual-wielding pistols.”
    Koizumi was holding the reflector board above his head. Haruhi brought it from who knows where. The photography club might be reporting a theft right about now.
    “Anyway, Koizumi, aren’t you the leading man?”
    “One must adapt to the circumstances as they change. I’m more disposed to being on this side of the camera. I’ve been thinking since yesterday about a way to remain backstage…”
    “Unh!”
    Asahina, straining to hold up the pistols, fired rapidly with her eyes shut tight. And I stood to the side filming that sight. I couldn’t really see the BB trails, but considering that Nagato was standing completely still without even a flicker of emotion across her face, I guess she really wasn’t scoring any hits. Maybe she’s using magic… or so I was thinking when Nagato slowly raised the pointer and whirled it before her face. Bullets began falling to the ground with a clatter. Even without glasses, her vision was as incredible as ever.
    Nagato was staring at the muzzle without a single blink. Not that she blinked much to begin with, but then again, blinking just because “it would be unnatural if I didn’t blink once in a while” would feel even more unnatural. Whether she was walking around with her pupils wide open, breaking through ceilings, or teleporting around, I would no longer be surprised. Which was why I wasn’t surprised right then.
    Nagato waved the pointer sporadically like a broken windshield wiper and with each swing, BBs fell with a clatter.
    In any case, this sure was a boring battle scene. Nagato was only waving her wand around and Asahina was only firing those two Glocks or Berettas or whatever. And she wasn’t hitting anything. First off, Haruhi only told her to “unload like crazy” and didn’t give her any lines to say. All we could hear was Asahina moaning and wailing in her little, lovely voice.
    The whole thing felt more like a halfhearted battle scene between a viper and mongoose who had agreed to avoid any fatal blows beforehand.
    “Yeah, that should do it.”
    Once Asahina had run out of bullets, Haruhi tapped her shoulder with the megaphone. I lowered the video camera and approached Haruhi, sitting cross-legged on the director’s chair.
    “Hey, Haruhi. How is this a movie? I have no idea what the story is about.”
    Super-director Suzumiya gave me a side glance.
    “That’s fine. I planned on having a lot of cut-and-paste work done during the editing phase anyway.”
    Who’s going to be doing it? That cut-and-paste work. I have a feeling the word “editing” has been included in my list of duties.
    “At least put in some lines,” I suggested.
    “We can just remove the noise and dub over later if we have to. We’re going to have to add sound effects and background music. There’s no need to think too much about it at this point!”
    Well, yeah. Considering that the story’s only in your head at this point, there’s nothing for us to think about. At the very least, I have to take care to keep Haruhi’s sexual harassment of Asahina to a bare minimum. No other males are allowed to touch her body. That’s where I draw the line. No one’s got a problem with that, right?
    “Let’s move on to the next scene, then! Time for Yuki’s counterattack. Yuki, wreck Mikuru with your magic!”
    Nagato’s eyes, darker than her costume, turned to me from under the brim of her black hat. Her head tilted at an angle only I could distinguish. I basically got the message. Nagato was asking if it was okay.
    No!
was the obvious response. Magic aside, I couldn’t give permission to hurt Asahina in any way. Look, she’s all pale and trembling.
    Of course, Haruhi had no idea that Nagato could use incomprehensible, spontaneous magic. She just wanted her to
act
like she was using magic.
    Nagato appeared to understand and, while remaining completely silent, raised the antenna pointer and began waving it around the way audience members at a