The Stainless Steel Rat Goes to Hell by Harry Harrison Page B

two people behind him.
    I was aware that Sybil had moved to the side to take her antagonists off guard and off balance. Two sharp kidney punches sent two women screaming to the ground.
    The stone swung down and I went under it and hit the
wielder on the side of the neck, stepped aside as he fell.
    A few more brisk blows and it was all over. The ground was covered with writhing, moaning, red figures. A hand reached out for a rock and I stepped on the wrist. That was the last resistance.
    â€œThey are a sorry and feeble lot,” Sybil said, dusting of her hands disgustedly.
    â€œNo other way to handle it. No broken bones that I can see, and no blood.” We picked up the stone weapons and threw them aside. Looked more closely at our battered assailants. They were dressed, if it could be called that, in a tattered and faded collection of clothing fragments. Bits of anatomy, normally concealed, poked out. All of them were bright red with neat little horns and, now flaccid, tails. They drew cravenly aside as I walked between them and picked up their unconscious leader, propped him against the rock wall and waited for him to come around. He groaned and opened his eyes—shrieked and fell over and tried to scrabble away. I straightened him up again.
    â€œLook,” I told him. “All the killing and eating was your idea. We were just defending ourselves. Can we call it quits? Just nod your head, that’s better. I think we started off on the wrong foot so let’s try again. My name is Jim …”
    There was a thud and a cry of pain from behind me, proof that Sybil was covering my back.
    â€œMy name is … Cuthbert Podpisy, Professor of Comparative Anatomy, University of Wydawnietwo.”
    â€œPlease to meet you, Professor. Aren’t you a long way from home?”
    He rubbed at his sore midriff, looked up at me with bleary red eyes. And sighed.
    â€œI suppose I am. I haven’t thought about that very much of late. The hunger and thirst tend to dominate one’s consciousness. All we wanted was a bit of protein.” He whimpered a bit, feeling very sorry for himself. “The diet is monotonous and not very filling. Lacks many amino acids I am sure. As well as minerals and vitamins.”

    â€œThe gray stuff you were eating off the rock. That’s your diet?”
    â€œThe same. It is called colimicon. I don’t know what it means. I was told the word when I first came here.”
    â€œHow did you get here?” Sybil asked, coming over to stand beside me—but not taking her eyes off the battered execution squad.
    â€œI have no idea. I was on term leave, I went to this holiday world. To enjoy myself on the Vulkann beaches. It was all very nice and I had a good tan, not red like this, and I was putting on weight from overeating, destroying my liver with over-drinking, you know … . All I can remember is that I went to bed one night—and woke up here.”
    â€œHow about the others?”
    â€œThe ones I have talked to say just about the same thing. The others are mad, they don’t talk. It seems that the longer you are here … are you going to kill me?”
    â€œDon’t be foolish. I’ve eaten some strange meals in my time but draw the line at professors.”
    â€œYou say that now, but—”
    â€œI promise, all right? And speaking of professors—have you ever heard of a Professor Justin Slakey?”
    â€œNo. Rings no bells. Mine is a small university.”
    â€œAll right. Now tell me about your red relations here. You said that people arrive here. Do any leave?”
    â€œOnly as dinner!” He cackled and drooled a bit around his blackened teeth, not as sane as he had first appeared to be. I changed the subject.
    â€œIf you are an anatomy professor perhaps you can explain your interesting skin color. Not to mention your little horns and tail.”
    He pinched a handful of loose skin at his midriff and blinked