The Wolf You Feed Arc by Angela Stevens Page A

later and later. Tonight it was almost eight. She was glad that Rune would be in bed. Her heart filled with sadness as the thought popped into her head. She saw her child less and less these days. But in truth, she was relieved. Nea found it too painful to be around him. Instead, Nea paid Annike to babysit. Annike, of course, refused to take any money but Nea opened an account for her and deposited part of her paycheck each week. Her friend had yet to touch it, but it made Nea feel better.
    “How was your day?” Annike asked. “Oh, you look so tired. Let me make you a cup of tea.” She went straight to the stove and lit the flame under the kettle.
    Nea’s weak smile was less than convincing. She knew it didn’t fool Annike, but she hadn’t been able to smile genuinely in weeks.  
    “Let me just go and see Rune.” Nea slipped out of the kitchen, sensing Annike was about to lecture her about taking time off.
    Rune was asleep in his bed. He was such a sweet little boy, so beautiful with his dark blonde hair and deep blue eyes. His mouth curled at the corners as he burped wind. He was beginning to lose his baby appearance. Already, he was bigger than Kjell. The size of his hands and feet suggested he was going to be a large male, like his dad.  
    A lump caught in Nea’s throat and her stomach plummeted. Why did he look so much like that man? Being able to keep his father secret from everyone else grew more difficult every day.  
    Nea wished she could rewind clocks. But would she do things differently? One stupid night cost her Felix and exiled her from the clan, but it also gave her Rune.
    Sometimes Nea convinced herself that her son was worth everything, but then she remembered what it felt like to be in Felix’s arms. That was when she looked at her son and hated what she’d done.
    A tear dropped on Rune’s face as she bent to kiss him. She wiped it with her thumb. He stirred, opening sleepy eyes. “Mommy.”
    “Hush now, just let me kiss you.”
    Chubby arms wrapped around her. They hugged and kissed before he rolled to his stomach and fell back to sleep.
    Nea returned to the kitchen. A steaming cup of chamomile tea and a sandwich waited on the table. Annike sat on Tore’s lap. They were laughing and whispering to each other. Tore ran his fingers through her hair. The look on his face was one of complete adoration.
    Felix used to look at her like that, Nea thought.
    Annike blushed and leaned forward to kiss Tore.
    Unable to bear their display of affection, Nea grabbed her food, muttered her thanks and slunk into the other room. Jealousy welled up inside her. They always sneaked off for time alone. It was beginning to irritate and disgust her. Each time they kissed or held hands she felt resentment wash over her. All she needed was Annike to fall pregnant again .
    Shame engulfed her. When had this antagonism towards her friends begun? They were so in love. Why did she hate them for that?
    Because she could never have it.  
    Nea ignored her plate and flicked on the TV. She was no longer hungry. These days her appetite disappeared as soon as food appeared in front of her. Nea’s weight was down. Annike pointed it out, even Tore noticed. She considered going to a doctor. Perhaps he’d solve all her problems with a little pill.
    Or, she could solve them with a whole bottle of pills!
    Guilt pushed the thought from her head. Exhaustion sunk into her limbs. Everything was too much effort. Nea was stuck in a vicious circle; she worked too many hours so she could avoid looking at Rune just because he looked so much like his father. She hated how mundane her life had become. Each night she fell into bed exhausted by her long day, full of regret that she hadn’t spent any time with her son. Then she tossed and turned until morning. Felix, Rune, his father — they filled her head, keeping her awake night after night. In the mornings, it was all Nea could do to throw on the crumpled clothes she picked up off her