Then Comes Marriage by Emily Goodwin

now. Since your cousin Justin graduates in a few weeks, we thought about going somewhere exotic to celebrate! And it’s been too long since we’ve all been together.”  
    I can’t refute that. Family, immediate as well as extended, has always been important to us. My mom’s side of the family is large and loud, making family get-togethers more like parties.  
    “Somewhere exotic?” I echo.
    “Yeah, like Florida. It’s been years since I took you kids to Disney!”
    Margery shakes her head. “She doesn’t believe me when I say Disney World isn’t exotic.”
    I laugh. “What about Hawaii? You’re always talking about going again.”  
    A shadow of sadness takes over her face for a second, and I know she’s thinking about my father. Hawaii was special to them, and when Dad got sick they stopped going. He wanted her to promise she’d keep doing the things she loved once he was gone, and a trip to the island is one of them.  
    A smile takes over her face. “That would be nice.”  
    “You should go,” I tell her. “You’ve only been talking about it for years.”  
    “Yeah, Mom,” Margery agrees. “You got that Hawaii calendar hanging in your office.”
    She considers, then narrows her eyes. “This is about you, Derek. And how you need to get out and have fun. I don’t want to see you work your life away, honey.”  
    “The more I work, the more lives I save.”
    Mom’s face softens. “You know your father only had one regret in life, and that was working as much as he did. Yes, he provided us with a lot, but in the end memories are worth more than money.”
    “I know,” I agree, not wanting to argue with her. Mostly because she’s right. As a homicide detective, I deal with those affected by my victims, see how death can rip apart those still living. The dead are gone from this world, suddenly…violently…it’s all the same in the end. It’s those still living that have to deal with it. Being able to reflect on the departed’s life positively doesn’t ease the pain, but offers some sort of bullshit comfort.  
    “Go out and live life,” she presses. “You never know what can happen until you get out there and do it. You can meet someone new. You can start over. Derek, I want you to be happy.”  
    I force a smile. I want to be happy too…don’t I? Deep down, I know I do. And even deeper down, I know it’s not going to happen. I’ll never meet someone who can erase the pain of the past enough for me to trust again.  
    So why even try?

Chapter Nine
    Rachel

    I sit at the foot of the bed and look around my old room. It hasn’t changed much since I left, but thinking I would be out of it for good this time, Mom filled it with her art supplies. She’s in the process of moving it out, despite my protests that me being here is only temporary until I get back on my feet. I tell myself that all it’ll take is a few weeks of work to save up a good amount to stick in my bank account. I have a decent chunk to put down for the deposit, having sold my ring.  
    The shock is starting to wear off, and the fact that I’m alone and starting over is pulling me under dark and cold water. I’m trying hard not to drown, not to let the fear of never finding happiness again add weight, causing me to slip below the surface.  
    I want to be happy. I want to laugh. I want to get back to being my old self and enjoy the life I’m blessed to have.  
    But I can’t, not yet at least. I’m hurt, and I’m angry. I feel so lost and alone and I hate that I don’t think I’m enough. My heart still longs for Travis, and I replay the good memories over and over. Tears fall, each one weakening my resolve. Maybe I was too harsh? Maybe I shouldn’t have left.  
    “Rachel?” my dad calls softly from the door. He took today off of work to pick me up from the airport. Lauren flew back with me, and Noah drove my car packed full of my belongings. I’ve been back only a few hours, but it feels good to be