Then Comes Marriage by Emily Goodwin Page B

feel like I was getting close to my storybook ending…just playing a game. And all games come to an end. All games have winners and losers.  
    And I lost.  

    ~*~

    “Rachel?” Lauren whispers, knocking on the door to my bedroom. “Are you awake?”
    “Yeah,” I mumble. After showering, I got dressed in pajamas and went down to the kitchen, eating my weight in chocolate chip cookies. Then I retreated back up here to hide in bed. “You can come in.”  
    She climbs in next to me, sticking her feet under the covers. She links her fingers with mine and gives my hand a squeeze. “I’ll stay if you need me to. You know that, right?”
    I bite my lip and nod. “Thank you.”  
    “You don’t have to thank me. I’m your best friend. It’s what we do for each other.”  
    Tears soak my pillow and my body shudders as I silently cry. “I don’t know how to be me without him,” I confess. “It’s like there’s nothing left, and I feel so pathetic.”  
    “You’re not pathetic,” she quickly counters. “And it’s going to be an adjustment. You were with him for a long time.” She rolls over to face me. “It’s going to hurt. I can’t lie and say things will be better in the morning. It’s going to hurt for a while. But I promise you will get through this. It’ll get easier every day, little by little.”  
    I close my eyes. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been single.”  
    “It has.”  
    “I don’t know how to start dating again. The online thing didn’t work out for you, did it?”
    She chuckles. “Not at all. Neither did being set up on blind dates by friends. Don’t even think about it right now though.”  
    I swallow back a sob. “I know. I just want to envision myself happy, and I can’t do that without thinking about being in another relationship. That’s screwed up, isn’t it? That I can’t be happy with just me?”
    “Just you is a really awesome person. Maybe you should take some time to get to know her.”  
    “She’s weird.”  
    “Weird is cool.” Lauren doesn’t miss a beat.  
    I push my hair out of my face. It’s long and overdue for a cut. Travis loved my long hair. He’d pull it or run his fingers through it during sex.  
    I want to chop it all off. Tomorrow, when I go shopping, I’m stopping by my old salon.
    “You have to go to class tomorrow, don’t you?” I ask.  
    “I do. I’d rather stay home though. Do you want to come over later? I’ll be home around seven.”  
    “That’s okay. I know you’re busy. Actually, I don’t know how you do it all.”  
    “I’m not as put together as you think,” she tells me with a smile. “I don’t really sleep anymore. You are more than welcome to come over.”
    “Thanks. I think I’ll stay home and watch TV. I’ve been binging American Horror Story and need to finish season three.”
    “Okay. What about this weekend? I actually have to go shopping and was hoping my fashionista friend may help me out.”  
    “I can help you, but I’m not really a fashionista anymore.”  
    “Rachel,” Lauren starts. “You are not allowed to give up. You’re upset right now, but don’t you dare stop blogging. You love it, and you have lots of people who look to you for inspiration, and I’m not talking about just clothing.”
    “I have no boyfriend to take pictures of me anymore,” I mumble, a little ashamed. “It’s not going to be easy posting outfits of the day when no one is around to take a daily Insty picture for me.”
    “You’ve said before that you hate how fashion bloggers get a bad rep of being brainless blondes posing for their boyfriends.”
    “Yeah, I know.”  
    “This is your chance to prove that’s not true. You don’t need a man to be able to blog.”
    “But I kinda do.”  
    “Rach,” she says. “No you don’t. Your phone has a timer, and —oh! Noah has like a million cameras he doesn’t use. Okay, not a million, but like five. I’m sure he can give you one.